Struggles (L.H)

and so it begins....

so it is like maybe five in the morning now and I still haven't slept because ,well that's just how I roll.

anyway, I'm currently listening to my iPod in the dark trying not to cry so I don't wake Stella who is currently cuddled next to me. she's actually really cool to live with actually,she is the most funniest person who actually made me laugh...even though she tried to stay up with me she failed horribly after we watched chainsaw massacre.

as for me , I stayed up because I'm like can't stay calm because of my anxiety is ganging up on me....why can't I be normal like the other boys just happy and perky carefree ?

no wonder why Claire doesn't like me I'm not normal. in fact,I'm quite abnormal . But what would life be like if it wasn't for abnormal people? we wouldn't have the things we have now like the light bulb or the mental help we get now.

  I'm slowly falling asleep as it is  like maybe seven in the morning now ...I just know I'm going to fall asleep to my favorite song now.. maybe it will bring good luck...

                                                                                                       "their gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the book

to make a citizen out of youu their gonna sleep with a gun to keep an eye on you son to watch all the things you do.

because the drugs never work so they'll give you a smirk just so they can keep you cleann.."

God I love this songg...

****a few hours later****

"Luke get up get up you need to get ready!!!"

I feel someone shake me tell me I need to get up...Stella she's a morning person...

"whaaaaaaatttt can't I sleep innnn ???" I say froggily.

"sorry Luke but you have to get up its already like twelve in the afternoon." already? it feels as if I was just listening to teenagers by mcr...

"FINE "

I get up and see she's already fully dressed hair curled and dyed?!!! God her and Michael will go bald soon.

"when did you dye your hair ?" it was bright red ,Ariel red .

"this morning Michael helped me."

"figures haha it looks amazing on you Stella." I compliment her.

"thanks but get dressed NOW please?" she says as she leaves the room.

I finally get the energy to get in the shower ,the hot water makes my not healed cuts on my body sting...it hurts but it's soothing at the same time..

I get done and find my striped gray and black longsleve and my black pants .

I decided to put on my beanie to hide my hair because as usual I look fat and horrible.

the boys and Stella acknowledge me as I come down the stairs with iPod in hand and headphones in.

The 1975 chocolate is playing full blast in my ear.

I give them all a wave as I notice my hungover mum on the couch ,she's saying something to me but since I can't hear her I shrug and walk into the kitchen.

there I see the beautiful girl I know as Claire.

I quickly take out my headphones and stop my music .