Struggles (L.H)

the enemy is ME.

(//and the italics right now are a flashback .. bold letters are his mind...if that makes sense//)

(BTW IF UR EASILY TRIGGERED DONT READ)

go ahead Luke,go ahead .throw it up Lucas don't you want to be something worthy?

  "stop it stop it "I whisper .I want to keep this down.

I'm not going to stop .I'm always going to be here Luke.now THROW.IT.UP.YOU.FAT.COW.

  "STOP IT!LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

all of a sudden my mom walks in...fuck could she hear our conversation?

  "LUKE ROBERT HEMMINGS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP QUIET ."

   she did tell me to but it's not my fault he won't go away.

I'm in my room trying to not get my ass kicked,she having some guy over I guess and I'm grounded for sassing her and she found out about my piercing...I snuck some food up here I was actually hungry.

     "I'm sorry mom a fly was um kept bothering me I'm sorry."

with that she left me and locked my door so I can't escape.

it's been a week since hanging out with Dan and phil and the crew.the management gave us a few weeks off again.

     I haven't left my room for days unless it was for school...since it started again but I've been skipping that .

  

     LUKE .stop sitting there you piece of shit do something worth while.something that'll make them happy.

    DO IT HEMMINGS DO.IT.

"stop it .go away I don't want to.I promised her.all of them."

  Do you actually think they fucking care?!no they don't .they are liers.they think you're fat too and they hate you.Heck!you can't even talk ANYMORE. you know what to do hemmo...

    he's right.I'm stupid.I'm failing all my classes I can't speak anymore everyone thinks I've become a mute. mom hates me I'm locked in my room like Harry potter. ,and use ate too much .

    the wrapper of the cinnamon roll I ate is just sitting on the floor haunting me.so is the water ...I bet I gained Atleast more than five pounds...

   "fine you win you're right."

that's a good friend hemmings...goood now throw it UP.before you look more like a pig.

I quickly run to my bathroom in the room and sit over the toilet and force myself to vomit all the FAT and gross things inside me.

    I stop finally getting the relief of emptiness ...but I can't puke anymore even tho I still feel fat and discussing.I flush the toilet and clean myself up... my forearm begins to itch.

     do it Luke ,you and I both now you need to.it's for the best

    would I ever lie to you?

"no ...y-youre my friend."I say stammering...I'm sobbing I can't do this anymore.

    

                     THEN DO IT NOW.

I do as my friend says. I go to the shelf above my bed and grab the box and get my sharpest and biggest blade....or to be technical it's a cut in half knife...

     before I to do it my phone rings..

  it's Calum ....it can wait I'm not in the mood if he comes in going to be gone like I'm supposed to be.

     I want you to suffer Luke ...I'm not leaving unless you leave.

if you go ill go do it you have nothing to LOSE.

   he's right.

       I take my shirt off and bracelets...might ass well have good access.

    "ONE,two,three,four,f-five,si-"

  FUCK that was really deep...blood is all over my bed and stuff..now for my stomach..and shoulders..one two three...and s so on. blood is pouring from my body...I can feel the pain I deserve..I feel something now.

    now take the pills Luke take the pills..come on don't be a little bitch that you are.

   I hear knocking at my window as I grab the bottle of sleeping pills...it's CALUM.he's screaming something as he's on my balcony...oh yeah I locked it .. why is he here he doesn't care

  DO IT NOW BEFORE THEY STOP US NOW LUKE.

I Take one last look at Calum as tears down his face...he will never understand..no one will I'm tired of this.

      before I know it I fall to the ground dizzy in a haze ,I drop the empty bottle as well as my blade .

       "the enemy is ME"

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   OKAYYY GUYS IF ANY OF Y'ALL ARE CONFRUSED THAT WAS THE EXPLANATION OF HOW HE GOT IN THE HOSPITAL FOR SO LONG AND YEAH...I ACTUALLY KINDA FEEL HAPPY SO I UPDATED AND IM DOING DOUBLE BC WHY NOT.

    THANKS FOR THE READS AND VOTES ILYSMM.

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