Struggles (L.H)

secrets.

  *update biatchoasss I'm bacck**

          I can only hear the sound of the machine lying next to me. I wish they would've left me to die. so so much I do.

  I finally open my eyes to this world...again.for fucks sake I HATE this vision.I wish I could stab my eyes out to blind myself.

   " Luke hemmings I see you have woke up?" the doctors apparently just came in my room , it's the same doctors I had after my last attempt... I could've died. but nooo they had to fucking help me live . it's sickening to me. I'm nothing.

    "why didn't you let me DIE  I was happy for once you bitch"I spit at them as I say these words to them.

             . die hemmings die die die die die hemmings .

I can't get these thoughts out,they are like the blades I press against my skin.

    " Mr.Hemmings I suggest you be thankful we have saved you!" the doctor says to me. she's so stupid. can't they SEE ?

"why should I? your making me go through hell by letting me live in this disgusting world  that you think is so grand!"

 

" Mr.Hemmings , I think you d-" I cut her off.

" it's LUKE "

"well,luke I think with a bit of help you could have a happy life."

" Oh I am sorry up didn't know that being happy ment  getting a high off of meds that don't work for shit you dumbfuck"

     she stepped back a bit from her original stance and left me.

they still have me strapped down  to the hospital bed ..I try to struggle out but as I do Claire walks in.

"what the hell do you want bitch?"

"God Luke didn't know you were such a dick"

"haha very funny Johnson, if anyone is it's you "

"is that so ,good thing I came to tell you that I won't be seeing you losers anymore."

"what the fuck do you mean?"

"I'm leaving to the US with Shawn me and him are engaged."

" and why would I care?"

"because I know you like me even though I never even liked you from the start ,when I ran into you, I used you to get close to the other boys because obviously they are a Lot better than you."

" haha too bad they didn't bother to touch you"

"says the one whose with the loser girl who is a cutter"

"HOW DARE you? make fun of her life situation?! Atleast she  isn't a stuck up bitch."

"go to hell you worthless waste of air"

     "sorry babe ! didn't know I was a mirror!"

with that she left me ,stomping her feet as she left.

I'm so over that bitch...never liked her anyway. I hope she rots in hell. literally.

  Shawn and her are the perfect match. I'm glad she never was mine.

    as I'm in my thoughts Stella and the boys walk in ...great..

now they can see everything...I have no shirt on ,no bracelets only my pants ....they might as well put me up for display!

   "lukeyyyyyy!!!!" Stella screams as she comes to hug me tightly.I hate her nickname for me but with her I don't really mind..it's actually kinda cute..

   "hey stell,how are you?" I say while trying to smile.I don't want her especially to see me like this.I think she has suffered enough...same with the boys.

" I'm fine ,I missed you! I thought you were gonna be gone for good.I'm happy they saved you I couldn't live in a world without my best friend Luke hemmings."

"it would be pretty hard to live in a world without Luke hemmings." all eight boys say to me.

  "actually that would be a perfect world ,in fact everything would be better in the world without me."

they all look at me with hurtful eyes that dagger into me like a knife. but it's true,it would be an amazing world ,like just imagine it!

   "Luke you damn know that it wouldn't be the same ! it never would be in a million years ! hell if you went I would go too."

    "Stella is right Luke! if you went we all would." I look at them all ,I just sit there and cry ...it's lies I know it is I know it's lies.

  "hey hey it's okay.. it's fine really it is we are here for you "she hugs me tightly again but I'm so lost that it doesn't do anything but make me  cry harder.

  " can someone please unstrap me please?"

Stella and Calum then get my arms free ,I feel so helpless and weak.

    I'm a horrible person .cold you might say.

I just sit there sobbing like a little bitch as they all watch me.

   " WHY CAN'T I JUST DIEEEE LET ME DIE " I scream again like I did last night. I scream over and over again as my head is in my hands .

..... let me die.let me be out of this hell.let me die........

     "um...Mr.Hemmings you are going to be released now..."

" thanks bitch have a nice day." I say to the Doctor as I get up.

the group follows me out as I retrieve my clothes from the lady and as I simply slam the doors.

     *back at the house*

I run upstairs to the room and lay down on stella's bed ...why I don't know.

  I think I just need to  sleep for a while.
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   OKAYYYYYYY GUYS I REALLY DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY I AM WRITING SUCH SHITTY CHAPTERS . ITS MOSTLY A FILLLER IDK.
   QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT YOUR HOBBIES?
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