Struggles (L.H)

more bruised but no one cares.

I wake up to an empty house again... my mum woke me up last night again and hit me even more which doesn't surprise me.

I'm glad that bitch isn't home because the less her the less I get my ass kicked.

I try to get up but it hurts ..everything does my eyes are all red.from crying and shit. I'm so weak. my arms are worser then yesterday..but hey I deserve it.

I get up successfully and make my way to the stairs but fall as I take a step down.. .I'm so stupid.  as soon as I fall completely down the stairs ,I continue my journey to get my anti-depressants which work like shit.

my phone then vibrates its mikey.

"hello?"

"Hey mate mind if we come over just me and the boys"

I puase at his question...should I?I look worse than yesterday..

wait I'll just tell em it's from falling down stairs.

"um sure mate just come right in the door is unlocked imma take a shower."

"Okay Luke see Ya in a min" me and Michael are actually getting along better now,before we couldn't even look at each other.

I step into the shower after the call and the hot water makes my cuts sting...it hurts but I feel happiness in the pain....

      I deserve it.

*moments later*

I get out and dressed in my misfits tank and my only pair of pants that I own with my vans...I just leave my hair down in its fringe.

"Hey Lukey babe where are youuuu?!!" I hear Calum ...he is the funniest person I know next to ash.

I run down the stairs seeing the boys with some boxes of pizza...ughhhhhjj.

"Hey guys what's up ?" I say and they all stand in shock. gawking at me.

"um you guys okay?"

" WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LUCAS ?"Ashton says putting the pizza on the counter and making me sit down with them.

"what do you mean what happened?nothing is wrong"I lie ...I. getting better at it by the minute.

"really Luke hemmings ?really that's the best you lie?" Calum adds.

"well why you guys freaking out does my hair look hideous?" Ashton then looks at me and shakes his head.

"you need to tell us the truth and them the other thing..." fuckkkkkkkkk.....my .....lifeeeeeee.

"oh that one thing I uh I'm uh uhh Ashton you tell them ."he then sighs turning to the confused boys I. my living room.

"he has a self harm issue." they all have a minute to process it,then they all look at me.

"why didn't you tell us?" Mike asks.

"I didn't know how to put it...I was scared you would hate me even more than you did." I say as I put my head down and sigh.

"may we see ..if it's okay?" they ask.. I nod handing them both my arms. I wince at each touch.

"you okay?" cal asks.

"yeah it just stings a bit but that's normal"I answer.

"dude you need to stop this it might get to far." I luagh at his remark.

" it's not easy Ya know.."  they all sigh and mikey says we need food so we go into the kitchen...

"you know Luke you should eat" Michael says holding a piece up .