Struggles (L.H)

alone.

I think I'm at my all time low...literally.

I really am done with myself ,just everything just everything I feel so alone.

it's 3 AM and I'm here in my room while everyone is down in the basement watching movies and what not.

I can't take this anymore,the hate ,the abuse ....I can't take this anymore of this life.

    I can't feel my emotions anymore.I don't care anymore I just I can't even think without thinking of the blade piercing my sweet soft skin.

blood.red.red as a ruby gushing out...a stinging sensation in relief.

    I'm going to do it .

and I will make my mom happy.

    no matter how much it hurts to die...I will make her happy.

ill make everyone happy when I leave this place.

no one will have to worry about me anymore.no one will have to constantly wonder.

I'm a horrible singer ,in my opinion anyway so It'll help the band too. I don't care who sees ,I don't care who finds out I'm this way. not even the one direction boys ...not anymore not even Claire...I don't know why I try with her ,she hates me and I bug her anyway when I'm around. she'll be happy.

  Stella...

she won't have to be nice to me anymore ,no worries.

she'll find another guy. a beautiful girl like her can get any guy other than me.

                   worthless.fat.stupid.suicidal.

                                                          a waste to society.

I write a note,

   Dear

fellow friends and loved ones,

I'm sorry if my actions hurt you,but I simply give up...

I am tired of living in my personal hell.

I feel like a waste to the world.to everyone .

I apologize for any missed spelled words ,for I'm crying last tears..

    I love you all. it's time for me to leave and make everyone happy again.

    just remember it never was ,or was ,will ever be your fault.

         love,Luke Robert hemmings.

I place the pen and paper down as I glance at it one more time.

I take down my box of blades that I had told Stella I threw away...I lied. I take out the sharpest and biggest choice of blade.

   it was a broken knife that I sharpened ...a while ago.

I remember the last time I used it.

   it was my first attempt when I was thirteen....actually my thirteenth birthday to be exact.

   I wish I would've died then and there,wished  the boys never came over to tell me happy thirteenth...

   I could've died.

I have my music blasting as loud as could be.

I have  "welcome to the family" by avenged sevenfold .

   it kinda described my life...in a way.

      it kinda was my favorite song when I was down in the dumps.

   I get out of my thoughts and reminded myself why I had this broken knife blade in front of me ,in my hand.

    I slide it against my skin ,remembering why I'm so weak.

all the names ,all the times my mom hit me.

why my dad left because of me.

   I deepen all the cuts each time I remember everything about me. ruby red blood gushing out of my skin like magic.

   stinging once it hits the cool air.

I sob and sob as I endlessly and carelessly slice every inch of my body up.

   stomach ,shoulders,arms,everything

I remember all the times I've had food dumped.on me at lunch by the whole football team.I remember every time my mum made me stay outside all day all. ight during winters when she was "busy".

I remember doing heroin and meth for the first time.I thought it would kill me....almost did...but the doctors made me live and go to rehab.

blood is on my floor ,on my clothes and I scream and cry as I say the last words I had herd yesterday from my mom.

   I scream all the names ,the boys names,stellas name,and Claire's name.

     I hollered for my dad ,who would never come.

        my song ended ....I was still screaming from the pain.

the tears of hatred.

   I drop the knife next to me I lay on the floor.

   I HATE MYSELF .IM NOTHING BUT A WASTE TO THIS WORLD.IM NOT WORTHY OF LIVING.NOT WORTHY OF  BEING ON THIS EARTH.

             IM DONE .EVERYONE.EVERYTHING.IM DONE.

-------minutes later-------

I'm slowly dieing ,slowly letting my body decompose before itself.everything is hazy. a blur you might say.

   then I hear screaming.crying...not from me but from the people in the room.

"LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LET MEEE DIEEEEE "I continually shout shout this to them as I'm put in the ambulance.

     I hear the sirens of the emergency cars around me. the nurses and doctors on the ambulance question me and Stella.

    I feel her tears,her hand in mine.

          then everything went black.

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   OKAY GUYS I REALLY DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I JUST WROTE  ITS FOUR AM HERE AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITH MY THOUGHTS LINGERING IN MY HEAD SO I UH DECIDED TO UPDATE THIS MORNING SO HOPE YOU LIKE IT?

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