Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XII

"I'm not sure if I can trust you anymore."

The words left Matthew in awe, he didn't really know what he did to make the other feel that way anymore. It was just confusing. He caught notice of Alfred's cloudy eyes and the way he seemed like he either looked at everything at once or did not look at everything at all, and that made him worried. Something else stood in between them, not just the fight, definitely, he just didn't know what.

"What are you talking about?" He mustered out, furrowing his eyebrows as he kept his gaze firmly on the younger boy. They were alone in the room, but neither of them noticed the fact that Arthur and Adrienne snuck out of the room, as they were now face to face, almost in a different dimension with only two of them and the words that needed to yet be said.

Alfred didn't look threatening, at least not at first. He was just sad, a wave of sorrow washing over him along with panic, as if all previous joy he still held inside was sucked out of him, leaving ash and dust behind. "You didn't tell me about your engagement. You didn't even want to look at me before you left. And it was all because of a simple anger breakdown I had? How can I trust you after that?" His voice was shaky, as if he was on the verge of tears - which he probably was.

"Just because of a simple anger breakdown? You hurt me a lot, you know! I think we both overreacted, not only me." Matthew crossed his arms in defense, wondering for how long was he going to keep this tough act going.

"I couldn't hold myself back, but I didn't really mean it!"

"Then why did you say it? Why did you say you didn't need me, and that you wouldn't care if I didn't come back? Do you know how painful that was to me to hear, after taking care of you for about twelve years?! You could have known what you were going to cause by saying it."

Alfred had no mental strength to listen to Matthew's words. Suddenly, the world around him was spinning and he felt lightheaded, unsteady on his feet, and it was all caused by the flash of darkness in front of his eyes that kept leaving and returning, at last staying and making everything around him darker. He felt cold, his shivering increasing and he could barely stand properly because of the overwhelming dizziness it caused. "I-I'm sorry!" Breaking down into tears, he covered his face with his hands and took hysterical breaths, unable to calm down at all. "I'm sorry for existing, I bet it would have been better for everyone if I just died on the spot along with our parents that day, wouldn't it?!"

That's right, light up the fire. Make your brother hate you even more.
It's what you deserve, don't you?
If you were of any use, you wouldn't be put in this position now.
So, so worthless.
Such an idiot.
Why are you still here? Is there a point of you being here?

"Don't bring them into this, don't you dare!" Matthew snapped, losing his temper at those words. He would never make a mention of their parents during a fight, that was crossing the line already.

Once the voices started getting louder again, Alfred lost all sense of stability and had no self - control, wasn't able to differentiate what was real and what was not. It all mixed together. The strange flashes of light and the shadows, insults he got from his own mind, and fluctuating temperature, it made him feel as if he was entering a different dimension, but he wasn't in a specific one, rather stuck between the two in a haze. And his chest was tight, his heart was beating far too quickly and he was overly sensitive to pain; even the slightest thing could hurt him a thousand times more than usually. He couldn't properly speak anymore, all the words he tried to muster out were disorganized, as if put in random order. But to him, it didn't sound like that, since he could barely hear himself properly over the screams invading his senses. "I can't say... If I can't say things... Why would you? What did I do?! It's stupid, I'm stupid--"