Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XXIX

A week before the end of college

And also a week since Alfred had finally returned to college life, living in the dorm with Arthur and slowly adjusting himself to the work and the classes he missed over the course of one month, the lengthy absence of his. Things hadn't been the same since he came back, though. He had to bear a secret on his chest and take it to his grave, which made him even more paranoid than he was when he first returned. Just the fact that he could blurt it out around his friends, especially when Sara was around, it made his head feel heavy and made it impossible for him to speak and say everything he wanted to say. Instead of being open and wearing his emotions on his sleeve like he used to, he tried keeping everything to himself, a new tactic he hadn't used before. Which kind of lead to him being more isolated than usual. Afraid to speak to the ones closest to him, he only said things when they asked him to. Other times, he kept his head down and went from class to class in silence, barely mustering up the courage to ask Arthur for notes in English he missed.

Between the two of them, the situation was quite neutral since that fight which made Alfred storm out of the room a week ago. They had to live together after all, so having a conflict would be pretty inconvenient. But neither of them forgot what they said to each other, especially Alfred who still couldn't believe that Arthur didn't trust him anymore just because he was different, like the Brit would nicely put it. His biggest fear was always that he would be unreliable, useless, unworthy, and now it was happening. What made it even worse was that it was coming from the person he considered his soulmate. He thought that the universe had a good reason to bring them together and make them fall in love instantly, and he wanted to follow it.

Yet he had to admit to himself, they were drifting apart a bit.

He drifted from everyone, shut himself out and spent more time in his corner of the room painting than hanging out with friends. Only when Adrienne or Elizabeta would drag him out of the room, then he'd hang out with them. It was never willingly anymore.

It was like the whole world felt heavy on his shoulders, and he wanted to let it crush him instead of holding it up.

But Alfred and Arthur weren't the only couple who had it complicated lately. His older brother Matthew and his supposedly future wife Adrienne took a turn towards a rough path as well, fighting more and more often, despite Elizabeta who tried to be their peacekeeper. She kind of failed at her job, since they couldn't stop finding things to bicker about. Whether it was when to start a family, to set a wedding date, to organize the wedding party, when the topic of their future together was brought up, it almost always resulted in a conflict.

Matthew simply wasn't ready yet, with everything happening to Alfred and the realisation he had unresolved, repressed feelings he needed to work on, it just wasn't the right time to plan something as big and important as a wedding. Adrienne, on the other hand, thought it would be the best for them to do it as early as possible, to get together as a married couple at last and turn a new page in the book of love and life they were writing together. She wanted to get away from the world as she knew it, and be with the love of her life. With no one else to get in their way.

Despite the ocean of emotion they were all swimming in and struggled to stay afloat, they still somehow managed to stick together. Every single one of them.

Alfred, Arthur, Adrienne, Matthew, Elizabeta, Gilbert, Emma and Sara, who was wanted there by everyone in the group besides Alfred. Not that he'd actually say that out loud ever since she threatened to ruin his entire life.

"Guys, who's up for a party tonight?"

As they hung out in the cafeteria together chatting their problems away (except Alfred, who was there against his will, silently sitting in the corner and sipping some tea, Emma proposed an idea. A party, something she was famous for organising. Everyone in the room instantly agreed, only the American felt his heart drop to his stomach. He could prevent this right now, but he couldn't. Being cornered and incapable made him feel worse than anything ever did. Even the voices in his head were on his subconsciousness' side, telling him to say it, to expose their plan, but he couldn't listen. He was paralyzed in his seat.