Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

[Author's Note]

So, it's over. I cannot believe it's over so quickly - three beautiful months writing this story that came right from the heart, through the keyboard and onto the screen. I know I say this every time, but it's true, I enjoyed writing this story the most. I believe I might even re-read this one just to relive the memories of writing it. And to fix up some grammar mistakes I missed. Is it okay to re-read your own stories? I think it is, from time to time. Or I'm just weird. 

My dearest, Marguerite- Future_Scxrs -helped me when I was losing motivation and gave me some ideas and guidelines when I didn't know how to continue. She cheered me on the entire time, gave me songs to listen to while writing and a lot of the romance is due to her help, since I'm horrible with it and she's such a hopeless romantic. We had a lot of moments together on Google Docs chatting away while writing, and made some amazing memories that I'll forever remember. In the meantime, I did my best to cheer her on when she was writing her own stories, which are amazing by the way, please check them out, you will not regret it. In fact, you might come back emotionally shattered in the best possible way. She's really a brilliant writer, I specifically recommend the fanfic "Fall" if you're into Alfred and Lovisa angst. I sure am.

I'm sorry that this took a Nordic turn when it comes to ships, but I cannot really stick to one ship forever, and neither can life sometimes. Y'know? Yes, I've broken up with someone, and I usually project my feelings through my stories. Also, I wanted this book to be more heartfelt and really, really life-hits-you-in-the-face style. That's why I've thrown in a lesson or two to learn, since life is an education the second you are born until the second you die, and even then your knowledge is left as a legacy in the minds of people you've left a positive impact on. We learn things everywhere, so why not from a fanfic, too?

I've read a lot of angsty fanfics in my life, and I've only found a couple of those (Hetalia ones) that take on such a heavy topic such as schizophrenia. They mainly focus on the craziness of the person and their hallucinations, and I didn't think they were really accurate. It didn't seem like the people did their research well, and only wanted to show the somewhat crazy side of the person. And I hate that word, really. I show that a lot in the story.
There's more to mentally ill people than their illness. That's what I wanted to do in this book. Alfred Jones isn't just a schizophrenic kid who rocks back and forth in a chair and whispers demonic curses underneath his breath, there's so much more to him. He's a painter, he lives for art and listening to music, such as All Time Low and all those emo bands we all love and appreciate. He's an extroverted guy, loves hanging out with friends, and doesn't only talk about his shitty life experiences. I wanted to show a feeling side of these people, they are just people who struggle and deserve to be helped, but I wanted it to hit hard - not be romanticized.

I've had enough of reading romanticized depression, in those hellish Tumblr aesthetics with "depressed white girls self-harming because they are suicidal angels", I don't need schizophrenia in that way too, damn! I hate those so much, as a person who struggles with bad mental health on a daily basis. There are cases of schizophrenia, bipolar and depression in my family, and they aren't cute illnesses that go away with a hug. They're horrible to witness and experience.

Schizophrenia is, in most cases, life long. Permanent. My aunt has had the radio on in her room  all day long for decades because she can't stand the silence, it makes the voices louder.

I've researched in detail before writing, and honestly, loved to have that feeling of understanding of the people who suffer from it. After finding out some things, I could have a nice chat with my aunt despite what my family says about her and deems her crazy, unworthy to talk to. She's a really nice person, in fact.
I've researched every little bit of this illness, from the positive, negative and cognitive symptoms to every possible medication. In all honesty, I took aripiprazole and haloperidol for the story because they were the easiest to remember. And they sound kind of cool. I know, I know, how unprofessional, but I didn't do anything inaccurate. They're real meds, look 'em up, or look up Haldol and Abilify.