Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XXIII

"I'm sorry, but I can't plan a wedding when my brother is in the fucking psych ward! That's just going to cause me more stress than I already have on me! It's not enough that finals are coming up, we're finishing college, that means I won't be close to him anymore when he comes back, it's just not the time to plan a wedding... It would get too much for me, Adrienne."

"So you're okay with waiting years? And what if he never comes back from there because he's in a state far too bad to take care of himself?"

"You're being uncaring and selfish right now."

"I cannot always be a people pleaser!"

Their third fight in the past week. Everyone was going through a pretty rough patch, and so were Matthew and Adrienne. They couldn't always be the ones holding up everyone's world. Even though the American swore to himself that he would be the one to take care of Alfred, his family and friends, sometimes it got difficult to breathe underneath the weight of the world. He hoped that he would have Adrienne to help him handle it, but she didn't know how to react properly from the shock of everything happening. She wanted to get married, to start a family, but Matthew wasn't completely ready for it because of Alfred's current state. As long as his younger brother was at psychiatric care, he didn't plan on doing anything besides visiting him two times a week, giving him moral support through this, and along with that, preparing for his final exams and writing essay works he'd soon need to give in. June was going to be here in two weeks, their education would end in a month, and stress overtook him completely.

Arthur drifted apart from them since the tension started building up. He couldn't handle it, and he didn't feel like he fit in with them in the first place. But he didn't isolate, either. With each day, he was closer to Emma's friend group more than he was with theirs. The exceptions were Liz and Gilbert, who were there to offer everyone moral support. It also bothered them greatly how the newly engaged couple fought, but they couldn't meddle in their personal problems. Instead, they just tried to bring peace to everybody around them.

"I think we need to be away from each other for some time." Matthew sighed, realizing at what point they brought themselves in such a short amount of time, and it was all because of stress. The human mind always managed to confuse him.

"Fine, I'll just go visit Alfred by myself tonight. That's what I wanted in the first place." Adrienne grabbed her cup of coffee from the desk in the corner of their room, storming out of it and slamming the door behind herself, leaving an angry, perplexed and lost Matthew standing alone in the middle of the space, his eyes tired and his hair a mess. He could feel his heart beating recklessly, making his chest hurt and breath hitch in his throat. Fighting with Adrienne was the worst feeling in the entire universe. Making her mad. He absolutely hated it. In the past four years, they hadn't had many fights, but each one left a scar across his heart that he wasn't able to easily forget.

For a second, he wanted to blame Alfred for everything that was happening, but the next moment he already felt guilty for even thinking about such a thing.

It's always Alfred, he thought to himself. I've always been the one taking care of him. I've always been the one to lift him up when he was down on the ground. That's a lot of always. But that's just how it is. And what do I get in return? He just makes more problems, makes all of us stressed out.

I know it isn't his fault, but I just can't help to think it is. He couldn't have prevented being psychotic, it simply happened. It's not his fault, it's not...

But it is.

Because now he's getting help, he doesn't have to hold anyone's world up, and I'm stuck here by myself. When I next visit him, he's going to rant about how he wants to go home, how he misses painting, how he wants to see Arthur, and I'm going to comfort him, hug him, tell him that everything's going to be okay.