Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XVIII

Back at the university, three people were waiting in anticipation for the things that were about to come. Adrienne, Matthew and Arthur hung out in the couple's dorm room together, expecting Gilbert and Elizabeta to come back from their two week travel - they were supposed to be back by now, but terrible weather in Hungary just had to delay their flight for the next day.

They didn't know how to properly tell them that Alfred currently wasn't with them, if a proper way even existed.

Would they be disgusted? Scared? Perplexed? Or a completely different emotion impossible to describe with words.

Arthur was also awaiting seven in the afternoon, the time he thought he would be able to visit Alfred. His impatience got the best of him, and his temper was bad that day, the stress from having to hold that presentation just increasing his frustration.
Luckily, the presentation went well. He didn't cry, but it was visible that his performance was drenched in emotion. Everyone listened with care, and the professor asked why exactly he had chosen that topic.

And at first, the Brit had no idea how to answer. He wanted to keep Alfred's sudden absence a secret, but it turned out that half of the students already knew. So they talked about how they saw the young American breaking down in the hallways, running away in fear and crying in the cafeteria, to which Arthur had nothing else to say but confirm. Still, he didn't say where he exactly was.

Thank the lord that Alfred didn't take up Psychology. If he did, literally every person would know. Arthur realized that these psychology students just loved to share news all around, even stories that should have been kept as secrets.

"So, do we just tell Liz and Gilbert that Alfred is, uh, where he is?" Adrienne broke the sudden silence that fell over the room - everyone was lost in thought, confused, tired, and felt like a piece of them was missing.

Alfred was alive, but he wasn't there with them. Their best friend, brother, and lover. It was a difficult time for each of them, since they were all one big family. Even the Englishman, who wasn't with them since the start.

On top of that, both Arthur and Matthew felt guilty in a way. Arthur, for calling Alfred an attention seeker and uncaring the first time he had an attack, and Matthew, for leaving him alone for two weeks without even looking him in the eyes, and causing him more pain than he could have had if it wasn't for the older brother's childishness.

"Sure, but what if they think it's a joke? I mean, it's not every day that a friend ends up at the, uh..."

"At the bloody mental hospital, is that what you two are trying to say?" Arthur angrily joined the conversation, causing both Matthew and Adrienne to glance at him wide eyed. He was usually the quiet one when there was a group, not the one to shout. "I mean, it's not a shame to be in a psych ward. It's just a place where people get help, just like a regular hospital. People like making a big deal out of it for some reason."

Matthew sighed apologetically and nodded in understanding. "I get that. And I'm not ashamed of Alfred... In fact, just the opposite. I'm proud of him for making the right choice and going there despite the fear."

Despite what Matthew kept saying about sending Alfred to the hospital being the right choice, Arthur still constantly questioned in his mind. There were thousands of possibilities, and to him, most of them were horrible. He wondered if Alfred acted out, had even bigger breakdowns than while at the dormitory, ate anything, made friends or enemies, ended up locked in somewhere else, attempted to hurt himself, got restrained... It was always a possible happening, and tortured Arthur the whole time.

What if Alfred regretted it? What if he desperately cried to go home?

But he didn't say any of that anymore. It was too late now, that was sure. He was there and he was obliged to stay for the entirety of May, if not a part of June as well (that depended on whether he would be able to take care of himself better by then or not).