Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XX

From simple lines, to sketches and to fully finished masterpieces, Alfred managed to spend half of his notebook that evening, his entire desk covered in paper, drawings, or doodles that were supposed to take his mind off the fact that he was stuck in a mental hospital, that he couldn't stop breaking down and hallucinating, and that his entire life shattered and crumbled down in front of his eyes, and it hadn't even been a month since his first real psychotic episode.

He was far too scared to go down to the hall and eat, mostly because Ivan would have most probably been there, so Emilia assisted and brought the tray of food to his room. She was more than happy to help him in all ways, but she was tired and confused and needed some rest, just as the psychiatrist had advised her.

"Emilia", Alfred whispered the name, since he knew too well he was allowed to call her that. "Please don't tell me you fell asleep." He sighed, yet couldn't help but smile as he saw the exhausted psychologist lean her head against her desk and close her eyes.

She mumbled something incoherently and shifted just slightly, staying like that until the realization hit her - this was a goddamn patient room, and she was the doctor! If someone saw her like this, they'd probably either blame Alfred and think he hurt her, or fire her for being unprofessional. And she loved this job, she couldn't let that happen. "I might have... Sorry." She muttered once she got up again, feeling embarrassed of herself for a long minute. Fixing her silver coloured hair and letting it freely fall over her shoulders, she glanced at Alfred who was still finishing up a drawing, and commented something about how beautiful his art was before approaching the door to leave.

"Wait!" He stopped her, and she turned around to face him once again.

"Do you want me to stay the night again...?"

Alfred looked down at the floor for a second, gathering his thoughts in one place so he could make a sentence that was actually understandable, and not gibberish like he sometimes had the tendency to speak. "No, I couldn't stand to force you to be awake just for me. But I would like to thank you."

Emilia blinked in surprise, this wasn't something she usually heard her patients say. Especially not those who were so out of it like Alfred was in his current state. "What for?" She asked confusedly.

"For helping me get through this mess I got myself in." He answered without hesitation.

At those words, she couldn't help but chuckle - inside, she was melting, but that was something she wouldn't dare to admit in a thousand years. "Alfred, it's not you who got you into this mess, it's... I don't know what it is, honestly. Scientifically, it's excess dopamine in the brain. But why it happened, I'm not so sure. The universe has strange plans for us." She placed her hand on the doorknob about to open it, but she realized that she didn't really want to go. "And you don't need to thank me for it. I'm the doctor, you're--" Stopping herself on time, she didn't want to finish that sentence. Many people here disliked the word patient being their label, and the last thing she wanted to do was make Alfred feel even more uncomfortable than he already was.

"I'm the patient, I know... It sounds strange to say it, but I'll have to adapt to it once." He shrugged carelessly, acting as if he didn't see or hear things around him. When actually, that wasn't true. Sure, the voices might have been a bit calmer than before, but the vision was the one taking over now. It was the extra medication he took with the food that made him spacey, calming the tension in his body and working as stress relief. He'd never felt this drugged and hazy in his life.

It helped, so it was okay.

"I'm so proud of you for having the audacity to say it. You know, most people here don't. It took Isabella a month to finally use the word to describe herself." Emilia smiled to him one more time, opening the door at last. "I'll see you in the morning, now at least try to get some sleep."