Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XXIV

"Emilia, I am so in love with you."

The Icelander stared at her friend for a moment, blinking in awe and complete surprise, a slight blush creeping up on her cheeks because of the words being said. It flattered her, to say the least. But she felt guilty that she couldn't love her back.

Lovisa knew that, and she instantly regretted crying, confessing, saying anything... She could have been better without that heartbreak. She needed to focus on her work, on the patients' lives she had to take care of. Unfortunately, love did its job, and she couldn't help but finally tell Emilia how much she had felt for her for a long time already.

"Lovisa, I'm--"

"I know... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say anything. I know you don't feel the same, and it's okay." The Norwegian slightly smiled through her tears, wiping off the rest from her cheeks.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. Hey, we both fell in love with someone who's so close, yet so distant. That's nothing to be ashamed of." Emilia tried to comfort her the best she could, but she didn't cuddle up to her as she usually would. She wasn't disgusted, mad or anything similar, she just felt a little bit uncomfortable. But she also knew that the feeling wouldn't last forever.

"I just hope things won't get awkward between us. I still want to be your friend."

"Lovisa!"

Struck by a sharp shout coming from a familiar voice, the Norwegian psychiatrist came down from the high and back to earth, finally snapped out of her thoughts. She blinked a couple of times and looked around, realizing that she had been standing with the key of the antidepressant cabinet for about ten minutes now without unlocking it and handing Emilia the medication she needed.

She couldn't stop replaying the  moment in her head. She only blamed herself for the tension she created between them - when in reality, neither of them were at fault.

"Oh, right. Sorry." She muttered, turning to an impatient Emilia who stood at the doorstep.

"I need Feliciano's usual dose of Prozac." Emilia said in a monotone voice, not greeting the other as cheerfully as she would any other day.

As she was handed the box of medication, she left the room with a nod instead of a verbal expression of gratitude and went towards the patient room of the Italian boy who needed to be treated. She felt guilty for acting out like that, but she couldn't help her emotions taking over at times. Especially if the situation dealt around love, since she was a total hopeless romantic and hated when she couldn't return feelings or if her feelings weren't returned either. Everything felt like a mess, but she was lucky to have her positive spirits keep her head up.

"Things always fix themselves", she told herself underneath her breath, deeply inhaling and standing still for a second before going on with her duty.

She was also shaken up from the individual therapy she had with Alfred a bit earlier in the day - the boy was completely out of it, wished to hurt himself to make it stop, wanted to disappear and thought his entire life was one big mistake that needed to be erased from the existence of time, space and the universe. He told her how he felt someone else was putting thoughts in his head, and that he was unable to get any sleep because of the constant fear. Nothing had calmed down. The voices didn't even always sound rational. They would go from creepy, demonic voices who told him to spill blood to weird commercial breaks he might have heard on television. Sometimes, they were completely senseless, connecting random words into meaningless sentences that only made him confused and so, so agitated.
The fact that he wished to disappear hurt her the most.