Beautiful Mess [UsUk / AmeDen]

Chapter XIX

Afternoon had arrived quickly at the doorstep, and so did Alfred's first ever group therapy session. He was immensely scared, tried to make up excuses for why he couldn't go, but nothing worked. It was inevitable, he would simply have to face sitting in a room with other people who were like him, expressing how he felt and being taught to communicate once again.
It seemed scary, so unreal - not so long ago, he would be the one helping other people to open up, he'd speak loudly about everything he was passionate about, and now he was stuck here as a social outcast, deranged, a lunatic, every horrible name one could think of. He knew that as soon as he got back to Yale (if he ever would), he would most certainly be showered with all those insults. Sure, those people were educated, but the taboo hasn't been broken yet. Psychosis is still a synonym of psychopathy to the world, and he had always hated that. Especially now, when he was the one who needed help.

"Alfred, are you ready? Therapy is in five minutes."

The American turned his head towards the familiar voice, finding out Emilia was standing at the door and waiting for him to follow her outside. She was picking up all of her patients from their rooms, two people Alfred had never seen before stood behind her quietly and dispassionately. He couldn't see the looks on their faces, but he sensed their sadness and fear, and it made him feel a tiny bit better to know he wasn't the only one who felt like that.

Despite that, he couldn't get off the bed. He had no mental energy for this whatsoever, and the bed seemed safer than wherever they were going to take them. "I don't want to go." He muttered, placing a hand over his forehead as a way of calming down the pulsing headache taking over him. He was still constantly surrounded by the demonic hallucinations, and the medication didn't make it any better - the only thing it did was tire him out even more than he already was.

Emilia sighed in exhaustion, knowing that this was most probably going to happen. "It's going to help you get better, okay? I know you're afraid, but everyone is the first time. Luckily, the fear goes away really soon." She convinced him into going, glancing at her other two patients behind her quickly. She was lucky they were peacefully waiting.

Hesitantly, Alfred shifted upwards on the bed, blinking a few times and rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. He had no idea whether to fight against it or just go with it, but the idea of getting better did sound pretty appealing. And the sooner he did it, the sooner it would be over, that was always a rule. "Okay." He whispered insecurely, standing up in a couple of shaky, disoriented looking movements. His eyes were scanning the entire room around him, and only now he noticed how dark it was.
Sure, the lights were off, but the lamp from the hallway illuminated a good third of it. It was his mind that made it darker, covered by shadows and unrealistic looking figures in black outfits and scary voices. On a second, he could swear there was a flash of fire and extreme warmth in front of his eyes and on his face, and he almost fell onto the floor if it wasn't for Emilia who ran in and caught him by the arm before anything of the sort could happen. She noticed the distress in his eyes and body, his dilated pupils and short, rapid movements which indicated that he was nowhere near alright. Glad that he didn't put up much of a fight, Emilia lead him out of the room towards the other patients and locked his room door behind them.

After picking up two more people who didn't at all struggle accepting the fact that therapy was starting, they soon found themselves in a small room with bright white walls. Standing in the corner was a desk full of papers thrown of it, and it reminded Alfred of the ordination he got his medication in. Luckily, it wasn't the one. There were comfortable looking chairs lined up in an open circle. Even though it wasn't a children's hospital, the drawings and pictures on the walls reminded him of a pediatric unit or something similar. The room itself didn't look frightening, but it was fascinating how much can the atmosphere be changed only with the emotionless expressions of most patients. Each of them made their way towards a seat, but Alfred didn't know exactly what to do.