A Fiery Red Summer (Jenna Mcdougall and Hayley Williams)

Never Leave My Side

Tay:

Being on tour once again with Tonight Alive was awesome. Jenna and I were only apart when we were preforming; I had even convinced our merch girl to travel with TA so that Jenna and I could sleep in the same van. The little cramped vehicle wasn't all that comfortable, but at least with my best friend there it was hard to be in a bad mood.

We spent hours talking at night after shows and often kept the rest of the guys awake, which they made sure we knew. We talked about so many things, for example, crazy fans we had seen at the show, fashion (even though neither one of us knows much about it) and Jenna never failed to mention Hayley. She was head over heels in love, it was kind of cute or more so she was cute when she talked about it, but it was also kind of annoying. It quickly became a problem.

One afternoon, as we were waiting for our turn for sound check she and I were sitting in the back of the WATIC van, trying to stay warm, Jenna brought up, once again, how much she missed Hayley and I realized why I found it so irritating to have to listen to, I still had feelings for her.

I had tried my hardest to move on; Jamie was a great girl, but she worked all the time and I didn't feel the same connection. There was something special about this blonde Aussie girl that had me hooked. I wanted so badly to tell her or, better yet, kiss her, hug her, show her what I felt. It was all I could think about, but I knew it wouldn't work out, Jenna wouldn't throw away her relationship. My eyes filled with tears as I came to this conclusion.

Jenna stopped talking and looked at me with concern. "Everything all right?"

I quickly snapped back to reality, my mind was rushing to think of an excuse. "Umm, yeah. I didn't sleep well last night, I'm still a bit tired, I was just holding in a yawn and ya' know that makes my eyes water." I mentally let out a sigh of relief as she shrugged and continued talking.

Jordan called me. I had to go in to the venue to do sound check. Once I was away from Jenna I pulled Jordan off to the side of the little bar we were playing at.

"Help me." I squeaked

"What? What's the matter?" Jordan said confused.

"I'm still in love with Jenna and I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck on tour for months with a girl I love, but can never have."

"Not much I can do for you. Maybe it would be better if she went back to sleeping in her van?" Jordan said in an attempt to solve the problem.

"No. I don't want her to leave me." I whined.

"Just focus on the shows. We need to get done with sound check soon."

I dragged my feet to the stage where the rest of the band was waiting. I reluctantly forced out some notes as the sound guy adjusted the EQ and volume.

I ran out as soon as I was done; no one followed me, except Jenna. She had seen me storm pass the van. I didn't know where I was going, I had passed my van, the TA van and was going towards the Good Charlotte bus, but I didn't want to go there, what good would that do? Jenna grabbed my shoulder and spun my around.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" she said. There wasn't much space in between us, our faces were less than a foot apart. My heart pounded in my chest, my breathes quickened and I bit my lip in an attempt to fight the urge to kiss her perfect, soft, pink lips.

"Tay? What's going on?" she said in concern

I took a step back and looked away from her. It was the only way I was going to be able to think of an appropriate excuse. I still couldn't come up with one.

"Are you okay?" Jenna said almost panicking.

"I'm fine I just don't want to talk about it." I replied hoping she wouldn't keep prying. Of course she did.

"You can tell me anything. You can't keep it to yourself forever, it'll destroy you."

"Not now. I can't."

She stood there staring at me. clearly annoyed by my secrecy. Her glare burned in to me, making me sweat.

"Please Jenn, I'll tell you later. Let me just think it over for a bit."

"Okay, but I'm sleeping with my band mates tonight if you don't tell me before show time." she walked back to the van.

I leaned my back against the wall of the alley behind the bar. It didn't take long for the tears to start falling. Why had I been such an idiot last year. She was mine and I threw everything away. Maybe it would be better if she slept in the other van tonight, but I never wanted her to leave me.

She noticed I was crying and called me over. She told me I didn't have to talk, she just didn't want me sad and alone. I fit my head perfectly in the crook of her neck as she wrapped her arms protectively around me.

I managed to come up with an excuse later in the day. Weeks passed, everyday was torture, yet it was also heaven because I was with her. I managed to not say or do anything that would give away my feelings, but then the boys ruined it.

Half way through tour Jordan decided to propose a game of Truth or Dare. It started out innocently enough, we were having a lot of fun laughing at everyone else's embarrassment. Then Jordan got to me.

"Truth or dare?" he asked me

"Dare." I stated confidently.

"Make out with Jenna for 30 seconds."

I stared at him in horror and stuttered out "I-I meant t-truth."

"That's cheating, but I'll let it slip this time. Are you still in love with Jenna?"

I choked on my words, I was trying to say no, but it was impossible. After a good minute of silence I looked over at Jenna, whose mouth was wide open in shock, and dashed off. I sat behind Good Charlotte's bus and wept. I was so caught up in my sorrow I didn't hear the foot steps behind me; Jenna had come looking for me.

"I'm sorry he did that to you." she said quietly. "I'm not upset about it, but you know that we can't be together like that right now."

"I know. That's why I hadn't said anything to you." my voice came out in a crackling whisper.

"Dry those pretty little eyes and let's go beat up that mean guitarist." Jenna said in an attempt to be humorous.