A Fiery Red Summer (Jenna Mcdougall and Hayley Williams)

Never Be What You Want

Tay:

It had been a little over a month after the end of Warped. Ever since I had spent all my time closed up in my house. I hadn't spoken to anyone and was surviving off the stock of noodles and cereal I always kept around my apartment. I don't know why exactly I didn't want to leave my house or talk to anyone, I was just feeling blue. I was glad that my band mates weren't too invasive, they had tried to call me a few times, but none of them had come over to my house and bothered me.

My solitude was interrupted though late in the afternoon by an insistent Jenna Mcdougall. At first I assumed it was a salesman or the mail man, but I knew who it was once I heard her voice. She continuously knocked on my door and shouted my name.

I went over to the door and looked through the peep hole to verify that it was her, of course it was. Why wasn't she in Australia? "Go away!" I shouted.

"What's going on? No one has heard from you in forever!"

"I just need some solitude!" I asserted

"Let me in Tay!"

I ignored her, but she stayed by the door screaming my name.

"Would you shut up? My neighbors are going to complain!" I hollered angrily

"I'll stop if you let me in"

I reluctantly opened the door. "What do you want?" I said already ready for the conversation to be over.

She stepped in, looked around quickly, then looked at me before speaking. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I said trying my best to smile despite my annoyance.

She didn't look convinced. "So coming home magically cured you?"

"There's nothing better than sleeping in your own bed after a three month tour."

Jenna started walking around the living/kitchen area. "I've never seen your place. It's nice."

"Thanks. How did you find it?"

"Rob told me the address, Google maps did the rest."

Just then she stumbled upon the last thing I wanted her to see. Her mouth fell open as she read the little piece of paper. When she was finished she looked at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. "What is this?"

I started shaking, my knees gave out and I fell to the ground. "It-It's n-n-nothing. Just a sc-scribble." I stuttered, lying even though she obviously knew.

"Were you going to kill yourself?"

"N-no, I wrote it j-just in case."

"In case what? I don't think you would have written a suicide note unless you were seriously considering it." she whimpered. I had expected her to be angry, her sorrow was much worse; I felt so guilty.

I hid my face behind my hands and started crying too. I was quite a pitiful sight slouched over sobbing hysterically on the floor. "I-I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for hun." said Jenna in a soothing tone.

She came over and helped me get up off the floor and guided me over to my couch. We sat there in silence, Jenna's arms wrapped protectively around me. In that moment everything felt right. When I started to fall asleep Jenna found my bedroom and got me in bed, telling me goodnight with a sweet smile and a soft kiss on the forehead.

The next morning I found Jenna asleep on my sofa. I quietly sneaked out of the house to go to the store and restock my house with better food. She was still asleep when I got back. I prepared us some pancakes and fresh squeezed orange juice. Jenna woke up confused about the unusual surroundings, but pleased by the lovely smell of breakfast. Once she had cleared the sleepy haze from her mind she came to sit with me at the small table.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." I cooed

"Good morning early bird. May I join you?" she said in her thin morning voice

"Of course."

Jenna sat down across from me and filled her plate. It was cute watching her eat, she looked like a little chipmunk stuffing it's cheeks with food. Even right when she woke up Jenna was gorgeous. I couldn't tear my gaze from her. When she was done eating I took her hand in mine, looked into her blue eyes and smiled. "Thank you for being here for me."

"You would do the same if it were me." she squeezed my hand and her serene look turned to concern "We need to find a way to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I said now avoiding looking at her

"I can't take that chance." she took my chin in between her thumb and index finger turning my head until her deep blue eyes met my ordinary brown. "You don't know how much you mean to me. I can't lose you." My heart skipped a few beats.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what to do."

"Well, I talked with Hayley.." my heart sunk, I had completely forgotten about her, I was lost in the dream of just Jenna and I "..and she said we should get a place together, all three of us. What do you think?"

"How are we going to make that work with all of our bands so far away?"

"I've already left behind my band, we have an agreement that they we'll meet up where ever our tour begins for rehearsal and we can record over here in the States. Hayley has enough money to go back and forth from here to Tennessee, so you can stay with your band."

"That's really nice of you guys, but I don't want you to sacrifice so much for me."

"Then don't think it's for you, but instead it is for my own peace of mind." she stated firmly.

"I really appreciate the offer, but I don't think it is a good idea."

"Why?"

"To be honest I don't think I could be around you and Hayley all the time."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't think of that." She started thinking "What if Hayley and I move nearby, that way I can come check on you, but you have your privacy and don't have to be around us 24/7?"

"I'm telling you I'll be fine, you don't have to do that, but I can't stop you and it is a better proposal."

"Then it is settled I'll start looking. Until I find somewhere can I stay here? I'll sleep on the sofa the whole time."

"Yeah, of course."