A Fiery Red Summer (Jenna Mcdougall and Hayley Williams)

Guilty Pleasure

Jenna:

After finding out that Tay still had feelings for me things became a little awkward between the two of us. We slept in our own vans, we were more cautious with what we talked about and there was less physical contact between us. It pained me; I didn't want us to grow apart, but at the same time I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

I wasn't all that surprised that she was still in love with me, I still had feelings for her, our emotions were taking their god ole' sweet time to fix the situation. If I didn't feel the same thing towards Hayley I would have gotten back with Tay without hesitation. Damn human's polygamous nature in our monogamous society.

With Tay semi-avoiding me I spent a lot of time sitting in the back of my van with my acoustic guitar. I tried to write some songs, but after a while they were all so depressing it broke me down to tears, hearing the words falling from my mouth mixing with chords into a miserable melody.

One day Tay walked by and looked at me through the back window. Her eyes were red like she too had been crying. Could this tour be going much worse? I had really been looking forward to it, now all I wanted was for it to be over.

Before she had left my view Tay stopped, stood still for a moment, then turned back around. Her gaze met mine, she quickly looked away, but started walking towards me. Once she was by the van she knocked on the glass. I opened the trunk where I was.

"I can't do this anymore." Tay said.

"Neither can I." I agreed.

"Want to go get drunk together and spill out all our secrets?" she suggested.

"It would be nice, but we can't do that before a show. We're the singers, alcohol affects our performance too much, just look at the videos of Amy Lee at the Download Festival in 2007. If it affects her, imagine what it would do to our voices."

"You're so uptight sometimes." Tay said with a laugh. It had been at least a week since I had seen a sincere smile from her.

"No I'm not." I protested.

Tay stuck her tongue out at me. We both laughed.

"Come here." I patted the blanket beside me.

Tay sat down right beside me. I grabbed her hand and weaved my fingers between hers. Then I looked in to her eyes. "I'm sorry I've been distant. I didn't know what to do. I'm not over you, but I love Hayley too. It's been difficult for me too."

"I know and I understand completely. I just want us to remain friends." Tay said calmly.

"That's the problem I don't know how. All I can think about when you're around is kissing you and those wonderful nights we spent together two summers ago." I replied with a little more urgency.

"So is this the end of our friendship?" Tay whined, tears quickly filling her eyes and her lip trembling.

"No! I just... if I kiss you, just one more time, will you promise not to tell anyone?" I said almost in a whisper, even though there was no one else around to hear me.

"Not a soul." she said eagerly.

I wiped the tears off her cheeks, letting my hand softly caress the side of her face before I leaned in and felt our lips meet. It felt so right, so soft, warm and loving, yet so wrong; I felt guilt build in the pit of my stomach.

Sitting face to face now we looked in to each others eyes, both of us filled with guilt and sorrow because we knew that would be the last kiss.

Things didn't get much better for the rest of tour. As soon as we were done with all the shows I rented a car to go straight back home to my girlfriend. I was going to be home 3 days early, I was looking forward to surprising Hayley. She would also help me to get my mind of this whole situation, even if I couldn't tell her about it.