Spilled Tea

"My Anxiety Talking"

The water sprays
on my skin
scalding hot.
The kind of hot
that numbs.
The steam makes it
difficult to breathe.
It's all I can think about.
It is what I need.
A distraction from
the fixation on
the remembrance of
a certain smell
and several feelings
all at once.
A specific emotion
splayed across my face,
another on yours.
These are flashbacks.
The day after this is like
hell put a little bit
if itself and mixed it
into a catastrophe.
My eyes are still bloodshot.
I'm sitting in silence,
submerged in purple water.
That night, I'm on the couch
and there's tears on my face.
Again.
Does everything have
to change all around me?
I'm glad in the situation
involving us,
you told me there
wouldn't be change.
There's already too much
feeling like it's changed
all around me.
I continue thinking
that this week is at
its most difficult
then it proves me wrong.
What happened to the
smile on my face?
All those happy feelings?
I had them for months.
I'm leaving bad impressions
on everything around me now.
I've been frustrated
that I'm making others
think I'm just weak.
But I've had a realization:
with the way these days
have been turning,
isn't that what I am?
Why would anyone be friends
with someone weak?
I can't get the tears
to stop falling
anymore.
But isn't this all just
'my anxiety talking?'