Spilled Tea

Glitter

Bright lights.
There's glitter on my face,
on my shoes,
on my skirt.

Angry faces storm by
in this little back dressing room.
I think I'm one of them.

It's almost the last show.
I wonder if I'll be sad
when it's over.
It's like everything is ending.
It's not only this.
That's so dramatic, isn't it?

You'll be leaving soon too.
I think you'll be around.
We're often not truly
around each other
unless we're outside
of this wicked building.
When we're alone.

You have to understand
why I've been putting myself
in more situations.
The hard situations
when I'm alone.
Without you or some of the others
who will be far away too.
I need to learn to be
in them without you all.

You're right,
there will be people around.
But those people aren't you.
They aren't the others either.
I'm teaching myself
how to breathe.
You won't be around
to help me do that
when the things
in this building
become overwhelming.

These straps are digging
into my shoulders
like these thoughts
are digging into my mind.

Staring at myself in the mirror,
I think about how
perfect this all looks.
How perfect we all look.
That is what theatre is about:
showing the most
exhilarating parts of life.

I wonder if my acting
has become better
because I do it in real life too.

I didn't need to act before.
Things had been glittery
like these ballet shoes
up until recently.

But just like theatre
isn't all about the actors
and is meant for the audience as well,
life follows this philosophy.

It's all chain reactions.
Every single action
reacts however
it's going to.
We can't control
the reaction.

So I'll continue
putting glitter
wherever I can
to make it all look pretty
in these bright lights,
even when it's not pretty
inside of me anymore.

I'm prepping myself
for the daily audience
because it's not about me.

It never has been.