Spilled Tea

Powerlessness

I swear the paint is melting off the blue skies and I wished to be pretty like that paint, but I've always hated things that are quickly not of much permanence.

If I wish one thing in the life of anyone, it is to not live following this concept like I have because it will tear you apart from the inside (I still can't breathe).

The nightmares of his hands are prominent again. I'd still take feeling that type of 'powerlessness' over this because this is a worse version of the scraping of my soul.

The only type of power I have makes me feel powerless because it only causes destruction, and why would I sever something that I don't want to end?

I've realized things that I've said incorrectly and of my momentary amnesia that allowed my head to go where it did. I've been on my worst behavior and I'll never forgive myself for my words.

I hate the inability to ask questions due to fear. It has led me into low self confidence in my speaking abilities. Any of my abilities.

I don't know if I need another distraction or if I need to let it all out. I'm attempting 'healthy' endurance.

The difficulty is realizing how long these days can feel and it's all about waiting through many of them silently. It is difficult to fake daily things not hurting and worrying that I am still the person I was.

I swear the paint is melting and I'm trying to figure out if what is underneath it has healed with me, or if I will be stuck with the same terrifying part of this cycle.

I feel the beginnings of a storm.