Spilled Tea

Your T-Shirt Haunts My Bedroom

I wear this longing
like I wear my sweatshirts:
I wrap my arms around it
and grip it closer to me in fists,
as if it won't stay
on my body if I don't.

Letting go of longing
feels like forcing myself
to let you go,
and I'm not ready.

I grasp it to my chest
that aches for us to talk,
until it's wrinkled and stretched.

Just like the way
your long term silence
has made my head feel.

The red marks that are
raised above my skin feel
like the sharp, stinging
reminder of the only thing
I wanted this summer:
one more night with just us.

One more night with the girl
that calmed the demons
on that cold night in hell.

You have stopped
making anything clear
in your actions with me,
when honesty has been
such a vital piece of you and I.

If you still hold to your statement
that I will see you again,
text me something.

Anything, so I know
you are not angry.

The hours of a day feel very long
and it only takes a second for
frustration to change a mind.

With your silence,
how will I ever know
if you've chosen
to change yours?

You wonder why you feel like
you constantly repeat yourself,
but things changed so violently
and you are so quiet with me.

If you care,
teach me to believe you
through your actions.

Frustrated words only
frighten me more.

I can feel even just my apologies
and attempts to mend things
frustrating you from miles away,
quite well in your silence.

You are so quiet,
and my mind is very loud.

You say that you will not leave,
and I feel my body and mind
killing themselves to believe you.

Please speak to me,
even if you cannot give me
the one night I promised myself
I would get at some point
during this burning summer,
the day my soul began to fracture.

Just the simplest actions
could make me
believe you
all over again,
in that you'll be around
once more,
if I just give you time.

Time passes for me
like thick liquid draining,
and the minutes feel like hours.

But, if you gave me
the slightest comfort and hope,
I would wait months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I've updated. This summer has been hell.