Spilled Tea

They Are Leaving, But She Is Not

We're laying on my duvet while tears are falling down my cheeks. Again. I would not blame her if she saw me as someone who is always crying. She tells me I'm not a bother. I've felt emotionally exposed. Like I'm not afraid to share anything with her. Like a freshly exposed new layer of skin. It feels soft, but raw. She lays over me, letting me find consolation in her so that maybe I'll stop holding my breath. So that I can slow my breathing and center myself again. Relax my shoulders. Her face is on my neck and it helps to remind me that she wants to hug me. That the motives are not only focused on calming me down, because she also likes hugging me too. I sometimes forget that she enjoys my company as well, and remembering that is another piece of me that I have been working on remedying. Working on remembering that I am a good thing to other people too. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to scream. She does the opposite of what the voices in my head believe. The voices that I've been fighting. She doesn't allow their prophecies to come to fruition. She doesn't allow the predictions of other people to come to fruition. She doesn't allow me to accept the given 'inevitabilities.' I'm punching things and yelling silently because I trust her. I trust her in a manner that I have never given to someone before. It feels both reckless and safe. It feels like there may be moments that hurt and she's not going to lessen her view of me. She won't lessen her view of a girl who has been shattered through love before, many times for such a young age. A girl who has still prevailed. I've managed to fit the pieces together as best as I can, but I've never excelled at puzzles. She's not going to mind the holes in the puzzle of a girl who is searching for the remedy within herself to fill those holes so they don't cause further ache. I am healed, but everyone who has once experienced heartache has holes. Holes that I have feared would have knives pushed through them again. I don't believe she wants to see anything other than progress in the filling of open spaces through honest and fulfilled promises. These holes are okay because they are slowly filling and disappearing. They are leaving, but she is not and for once in my life, I believe that.