Spilled Tea

Thank You: A Letter

To the girl with honey and gold in her eyes:

I cried before I wrote this.

I think I'm okay for awhile,
but there are these little moments
when my eyes fill with tears
and I feel silly for it.

It appears to simply happen
at random times,
like while I'm eating dinner
at a Hibachi restaurant,
or while I'm sitting in Forensics,
or when I dress myself.

I believe it's easier
because you're still here.

These little moments
are less frequent
than I know they would be
if you had disappeared completely.

I miss you
and that's okay. 

I miss when you would call me 'baby,'
especially because I'm sad
and you would call me that when I was sad.

You always made it all feel better.

It's all natural,
this pain is all natural.

Why are you so kind?

I'm not used to this kindness
when things like this occur,
but you know that.

Grateful is a feeling that
comes naturally when I think of you.

I'm grateful for the
long messages
that made us what we are.

For you pulling me out of that dark time.

For the first time I heard your voice,
and all the times afterward.

For the butterflies
of our first Facetime.

For the nights you stayed up
talking with me until the morning.

For the letters and poems
you inspired me to write,
and the notebook
that I had been making for us.

For always making me
feel like I mattered to you,
and that I was loved.

For the laughing,
the crying, the smiles,
and all the emotions.

For the compliments
and how you made me feel pretty.

For the hundreds of plans we made.

For the things I learned from you.

For helping me gain confidence.

For being there for me
through the good
and the awful,
even when it was a bad dream
at two in the morning.

For the way we said
'I love you' for the first time.

For the feelings that
I never wanted to let go of.

For the way we had to let us go,
how you were so understanding,
and how you are still here.

For the fact that
you are still in my life.

For being a
wonderful,
loving,
beautiful girlfriend.

For the fact that
I couldn't write this
without smiling
and sobbing
until my throat hurt.

You hold a place in my heart
that no one can ever take.

Thank you for
enhancing my life,
for loving me,
and for still being here.

Distance never touched us,
we've always been stronger.

I owe you more
than this world can offer.

I love you
and will always
hold love for you.