Spilled Tea

If You Have Them Too

No one will tell you what to do when your lifestyle adopts unhealthy habits. They won't explain the countless hours on your knees on the carpet, when you're begging the physical burning through your torso just to stop. Stop. When your trying to claw your way out of the repeating cycle you've been trapped in for years, and they don't tell you why you can't escape. Why things get so good just for the repetition to come and rip apart everything you finally made. You'll sit in front of therapists with eyes that scream "please help me out." They will continue to tell you the same useless anxiety tips. Warn you that alcohol and pills only make everything worse. Eventually you teach yourself the beauty of the short time you get between repeats and to grab hold of everything you can to fight back. You may not be able to find the exit but you can fight tooth and nail to avoid losing it all. You've lost it all once before, and keeping some is a win. Maybe one day the cycle will break, but for now you'll just ride out the cycle. Ride it out knowing that this burning in your lungs will stop and this won't be forever. With the absolute knowledge that someone will come and pull you out, and break what you assume to be a repeat. For now, you just build your strength for the next battle.