Positive Regard

Chapter Three

My dearest, darlingest Rosie,
You'll never guess what happened. Steve Rogers saved my ass. Literally. I mean, if I was being talked down off a ledge or something, he'd definitely be the one to call, but I really never envisioned him saving anyone from the Nazis or anything. That kid stops at nothing. He's tall now too-like, way too tall. I'm sure you knew that, but whatever. I don't like it. You know that Peggy Carter he's always talking about? She's real, not imaginary. And she got Steve involved in one of Stark's experiments. I guess it worked, but, it could not have. He's such an idiot sometimes.
The story of how he saved my ass is a long one so it's gonna have to wait until I see you again. Sorry, I know you're curious. But don't worry, sugar. Everything's fine.
How are you, doll? Keeping busy, I hope. I saw your Uncle Leo the other day-maybe a month ago. I'm not really sure. He asked about you and Granny. I didn't think I should be the one to tell him, so I didn't. Sorry if you'd have preferred me to. Anyway, he's all right.
I miss you, sweetheart. More than anything. I know I don't say it enough-I can't say it enough-but I love you-dearly, passionately, ravishingly. I don't know if it causes me agony or gives me reason to hope, and be joyful. Without knowing that you're home waiting, I don't think I could survive all of this. There are men here who have nobody to go home to, and they've survived worse than I have, but I don't see how they could. I love you more than anything in the world, and I long for the day I can hold you in my arms again. I adore you. Stay safe, darling. I love you more than anything.
Love always,
Bucky

P.S. Don't tell anyone I ever said anything this sappy, if you don't mind. Thanks, doll.

Everything Bucky sent me made me cry. Everything Steve sent made me cry. Uncle Leo didn't write, but he sent me a letter on my birthday, and that made me cry. I missed them all so much and I was terrified to never see them again.
A couple months later, Steve said he'd be coming home soon and asked if I'd meet him at the train station. A letter wouldn't have had time to get to him, so I just went without telling him I would. It's not like he wouldn't have known I'd come.
I went to the train station to pick him up. A older man who was sitting on a bench stood up to offer me his seat.
"No, no. I'm fine. Thank you, though. Please sit." I smiled.
"I can't let a pretty young lady stand." He smiled. "Please sit."
"Thank you." I smiled and sat, even though he looked like he could use the seat more than I could. It made him smile, though.
"Waiting for a husband?"
"No sir. Just a friend. You?"
"My grandson. Do have a husband?"
"No sir. But I have a boyfriend."
"Well, if it doesn't work out with him, my grandson'd be perfect for you." He winked, grinning.
I laughed. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
We talked a little bit more, until the train came. He was really nice-I liked him. When the train came, we said goodbye and parted ways. Steve walked off the train, and I resisted the urge to run to him and settled for standing up. He smiled when he saw me and came over.
"Hey." Steve smiled.
"Hey, sweetie." I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes to try not to cry. "How are you? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." He hugged me back, lifting me up off the ground a little. He'd never been able to do that before. "How are you?"
"Fine. I missed you. I missed you a lot."
"I know." He smiled.
The old man I'd been talking to gave me a thumbs up. "You got a good one, kid." He clapped Steve's shoulder.
"Oh, no." I smiled. "Not my boyfriend. Just a friend."
"I am." Bucky said, putting his arm around me.
I turned around to look at him. "Bucky." I flung my arms around him. "Hi. Hey."
"Hey." He wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, baby." He kissed me. "Hey."
"You didn't tell me you were coming."
"Surprise." He smiled a real smile, but he looked like shit.
Bucky drove home, and Steve insisted I sit in the front, so I did.
"So, Steve." I said. "How did you save Bucky's ass?"
"He didn't tell you?"
I looked at Bucky. "No. He didn't."
"It's nothing." Bucky said casually.
"Nothing? You were captured by Nazi's and-"
"Okay, Steve. I think she gets the picture."
"And what?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Nothing." Bucky said with a shrug.
"And what?"
"Nothing. Okay? Nothing. Steven."
"Nothing." Steve agreed.
"James." I said warningly.
"No. Don't call me that. It's fine. Okay?" Bucky reached over and put his hand on my knee. "Just believe me. Would I lie to you?"
"Yes."
"You're right. But it's only because I love you. Are you... actually mad?"
I sighed. "No. Put your hands on the wheel."
Steve scoffed. "Yeah, Bucky. Hands to yourself, buddy."
"No. I call you buddy. You don't call me buddy." Bucky answered as he pulled into my driveway.
"Does your mom know you're home?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Not yet. I'll surprise her tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Where are you staying tonight?" I didn't move, because I wasn't permitted to touch door handles when they were around.
"With you." He got out of the car.
Steve got out and opened my door too. "Can I stay too?"
"Sure. Why not?" I smiled and took his hand when he offered it. I took his arm when he offered it too.
"What's for dinner, doll?" Bucky asked, taking my spare key from the plant and opening the door.
"I don't know. What are you cooking?"
"Touché." He smiled. "Steve can cook."
"I can cook." Steve smiled. "You guys hungry now?"
"I'm always hungry." Bucky says. "Get cookin', doll." He winked.
"That's it. I'm not cooking for you. Just me and Rosie."
"Yes, we're hungry." I smiled. "Thank you, Steve. You're a sweetheart." I smiled and kissed his cheek.
Steve stuck his tongue out at Bucky and went to the kitchen.
Bucky wrapped an arm around me and took my hand in his. "Okay, so he cooks and you initiate a kiss, but I fight a war and-"
"He fought too, you know." I smiled.
He responded by twirling me out and pulling me back in. "You know what we should do tonight?" He asked, dancing me around the living room.
"What?" I smiled.
"Go to a jazz-"
"Jazz?" I asked, trying not to laugh.
"Yes." He asked, looking completely unaware of why I was questioning him. "That's what I said, wasn't it?"
"Do you even like jazz?"
"Does anybody like jazz?" He grinned. "Why not shake things up?"
"We can't go to a jazz club, Bucky. Have you lost your mind?"
"Can you lose something you never had?" His grin didn't fade.
"No jazz, sweetie. Sorry." I shrugged.
"Fine. No jazz. But we're going out. Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"Um, no. You can sleep in Granny's room or the spare room."
"Why? I've been gone for four months and tortured by Nazis and I can't even sleep in the same bed?" He raised his eyebrows.
"You got it. Just because you're a hero doesn't mean you get special treatment." Tortured by Nazis, huh? He didn't feel the need to tell me that?
"It doesn't?"
"Well, I mean, you would if what you were asking wasn't improper." I smiled.
"It's not improper. It's called a reward system, doll."
"The army rewards you for your military feats, Sergeant. Not me."
"But you could."
"America rewards you for defending it, I don't. Not in my job description." I smirked and kissed him.
"Technically-Technically, by defending America, I'm defending you. Just a thought." He stopped dancing and moved his hand to my cheek.
"That's true." I nodded. "That's definitely true."
"So I can sleep with-"
"No." I smiled.
"Fine, we're going to a jazz club, then."
"Okay, okay. Fine. But you can't tell anybody-even Steve- and you have to leave by dawn and come in after Steve's asleep."
"How about after Steve shuts the door?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Only because you're a soldier and stuff."
"How about I can tell Steve?"
I raised my eyebrows.
"After we leave."
"Deal."
"Fine. Only because you were tortured by Nazis."
"At least there's a bright side." He smiled and kissed me again.
"But only on the condition that I can tell him that you're a hopeless romantic who writes love letters."
"Fine. I won't tell him." He sighed.
"Bucky?" I asked quietly.
"Hm?" He leaned in to kiss me.
I turned my head away and waited for him to pull his head back so I could see his eyes. "Are you... okay?"
He smiled. "You know me. I'm always just fine."
"Bucky..."
"I'm fine. Come here. Let me kiss you. Please?"
"Are you sick?" I asked. He looked sick, and I wasn't about to go around kissing him if he was.
"No, baby. Just hurt. Can I kiss you?"
I kissed him. "I love you."
"I love you."
"Why aren't you as romantic in person as you are in your letters?" I smiled.
"Because," he gave his charming smile, "When I look into your eyes, I.... yeah, I got nothing. Sorry." He laughed. "It's easier when I have time to think about it."
"You had a whole plane and train ride."
"Yeah, but they were with Steve. You know we can't go anywhere without causing trouble."
"Would you even feel like going out, baby? No offense, but you look kind of rough." I touched his cheek with my fingers."
"I'm fine." He turned his head away until I moved my hand.
"Bucky, you look like shit."
"Well, thanks."
"Why are you home so soon?"
"To recover and shit. Because I'm so useful here."
"As I said, you look like shit. It doesn't look like you'd be that useful there either."
"I guess you're right. I do feel like shit. I was just trying to avoid you knowing that." He sat down on the couch, letting his face relax. He looked even worse when he wasn't trying to look good.
"Because I love you, you can tell Steve." I sighed. "But you owe me."
"And how can I repay you, princess?"
"How about by not getting captured by Nazis and not lying to me?"
"That's two things. And you only gave me one."
"Fine. You don't have to be out by dawn."
He grinned. "You got yourself a deal."