Positive Regard

Chapter Thirty Nine

While Bucky was gone, he only wrote one letter. He said he should be finishing up and should be home "soon--hopefully, at least." At the end, he added that he wasn't going to a Catholic church and we were gonna have to go to some sort of Protestant church. The only reason I went to a Catholic church was because Granny was Catholic, but I hated it. Since I'd come back and everyone I went to church with was long dead, I'd decided to start going to a different church. I hadn't told Bucky because it didn't apply to him and I didn't know how he'd react, but it turned out he'd have liked it, I guess. I maybe could've gotten him to come with me sooner, too. Oh well.
Bucky was gone for fourteen weeks, and Steve stayed with me the whole time, even after everything went back to normal. He left for work and dates, and that was it. When he left me alone there, I felt like when I was a kid and my parents let me stay home alone for the first time.
Loki stayed away for the first two months, but then he started coming around again.
"I suppose she's all right." He told me as he watched Stephanie try to eat her fingers.
"Why don't you like kids?" I asked as I handed him a cup of coffee. Steve was at Sharon's, so it was just me and Loki at home.
"They don't like me."
"They're like dogs. They smell fear."
"I don't fear children. I simply don't like them."
"You like my child, though, right?"
He stood up, looking amused. "I'm growing accustomed to her."
"Good. How's Thor, by the way?"
"I haven't the slightest clue. Last I heard, he was combing the galaxy for Stark and the others."
"But they're back." I said.
"I know that."
"So shouldn't you tell him?"
"I don't have the means. Besides, he's too busy with that to bother with me, so it's quite nice."
I sighed. "You aren't trying to start another war, are you?"
"No."
"You're behaving?"
"Yes."
"Promise?"
"Would I lie to you?" He smiled, sitting on the couch.
"Yes."
"You aren't wrong."
Loki was going to stay until Steve came back, but he actually believed me that I was fine alone, so he left. Not long after, Jay and Johnny came over.
"Well?" Johnny asked with a smile. "Where's the baby?"
I smiled and stepped away from the door. "Right in the living room."
Not long after they got there, the doorbell rang again, so I went to answer it.
Nick Fury stood outside, holding a box.
I smiled. "Hey. Come in."
"Oh, no. I can't stay long. I just came to drop off some stuff I found that belongs to you." He handed me the box. "It's Sergeant Barnes'. I didn't know we had it, or I'd have given it to you sooner."
"Is he dead?" I looked up at him, not opening the box. My heart was racing, and I was praying that Nick would say no.
"Oh, no." Nick said. "No. He checked in an hour ago. He was fine as of then. I found these at SHEILD and went ahead and brought them."
I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, but I let it out as I opened the box. Inside was a knife and Bucky's dog tags.
"Is this the knife he took off a dead Nazi?" I asked.
"It is."
I sighed. "Damn it. We have a baby. The house is supposed to be safe."
"A weapon is only as dangerous as he who wields it."
"Yes, but this is Bucky we're talking about. When he came to show it to me, he was waving it around and cut one of my grandmother's couch cushions."
Nick laughed. "Well, maybe you hide the knife and just give him the tags, then."
"No, he'd be mad. I just won't let him around Stephanie with it." I smiled. "Are you sure you don't wanna come in?"
"Well, I guess I should see Stephanie." He smiled.

Bucky came home three weeks later. Fury said he'd be at SHEILD to give his report, so Steve, Stephanie and I went there to meet him when he was done. We sat outside the room he was in and waited.
He came out, looking tired and haggard. He was pulling his phone from his pocket when Steve whistled at him. Bucky looked up with a smile, his whole face lighting up and making him look less exhausted. "Shit. Hey." He came over.
I stood, and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Hey, doll. You okay?"
"Perfectly fine. You?"
"Fantastic." He kissed me as he let me go. "Where's Stephanie?"
I pointed to the baby carrier.
"Can I get her out? Can I hold her? Do I have to sit down to hold her?"
I laughed. "Yes, you can hold her."
"Do I have to sit?"
"No, honey. But use two hands."
"Babe."
"Yeah?"
"How do I get her out?"
I got her out and handed her to him, saying a quick "Please don't let him drop her" prayer. He didn't drop her, praise the Lord.
"Oh my God." He said softly, looking down at her.
"Yeah." Steve said. "She even has a metal arm like her dad."
"I'll kick your ass, Rogers."
Steve laughed.
I smiled. "Leave him alone. He's been obnoxiously nice."
"I got her flowers. Bet you didn't."
"No, I didn't get flowers. I've just been making sure their lives are safe, but that does't count for anything." Bucky smiled before looking back to Stephanie. "Good thing you weren't a boy, or you'd be named after this asshole right here."
"Aw." Steve smiled. "Were you gonna name him Bucky?"
Steve drove us home because we were in his car. Bucky put me in the front seat and he sat in the back with Stephanie, talking to her the whole time.
I actually had been kind of concerned that Bucky would panic and take off instead of coming home. Steve always told me that he wouldn't do that, but I knew he thought about it too. I'd never worried about that in the forties. I mean, I couldn't have gotten pregnant in the forties since I wouldn't have sex with him, but I knew that if I had, he would have been ecstatic. He'd have married me the same day and everything would've been fine. These days, though, he spent a lot of time worrying about being a danger to her. A lot had changed since the forties.
"Rosemary." Bucky said from the back seat.
"Yes, love?" I turned around to face him.
He leaned forward and kissed me. "I love you. So much."
"I love you too." I smiled. "Buckle up."
"It's the law." Steve added.
"I'm a rule breaker." Bucky shrugged. "Besides, if I was buckled, I couldn't kiss my beautiful wife."
"See, now you're getting it." Steve laughed.
"Listen here, you little shit--"
"Now, now, boys." I interrupted. "Be civil. And you'd better start watching your language, or her first word's gonna be profane."
"No, doll, it'll be dada." He grinned.
"No. Mama."
Steve shook his head. "It's gonna be Steve, guys."
"It's not gonna be Steve." We both said.