Positive Regard

Chapter Fifteen

Rosie,
I'm sorry I didn't say bye. I knew you'd be upset and that if you were upset I wouldn't be able to leave. Please understand that I had to leave. It's better for you—for Steve, for everybody. I know I've hurt you, and I'm so, so unbelievably sorry. It's not what I want to do, but I have to if I want to protect you.
I know this isn't the life you wanted. We were supposed to win the war. I was supposed to come home, and we'd get married and have four kids.
I still want you to have that, but I can't be involved. I'm absolutely terrified to be around you, much less a bunch of kids. I'm volatile and unpredictable and dangerous. Before the war, I spent all of my time taking care of other people, and I'm not used to being the one that's being taken care of. I hate the idea of you and Steve making your lives revolve around me and constantly worrying. It isn't the kind of life I want for either of you, and it's definitely not the life I promised you.
Remember when I left for the war, I told you you should see other people but I didn't actually mean it? I mean it this time. I want you to do whatever it takes to be happy.
I'll come back when everything gets sorted out, unless I see that you're happy. I love you more than anything, but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you stay happy. I'm sorry this is the way things turned out.
You're an amazing woman, darling. I wish you the best.
I love you always, doll.
Love, Bucky

What. An. Ass.
I called Steve. "Did you know Bucky was leaving?"
"No."
"Steve."
"Okay, I did."
"Do you know where he is?"
"No."
"Steve."
"Okay, I do." He sighed.
"Where?"
"I'm not telling you."
"You're gonna let him go out there alone?" I asked. "He's lonely and scared and angry and mentally ill and—"
"He's in Wakanda."
"Where the hell's Wakanda?"
"I honestly don't know. What was I supposed to do? Tell him no?"
"Yes!"
"Look, I'll send you T'challa's number and he can get you in touch with Bucky."
"Are you supposed to just send kings' numbers out?"
"No, probably not. Do you wanna talk to Bucky or not?"
"Send it."
He sent it, and I called.
"Hello?" T'challa asked.
"Hi, Mr... king. Your Majesty. Um, this is Rosemary Haywood."
"Ah, yes. Hello. I assumed you would be calling. And just call me T'challa."
"All right."
"You want to talk to your friend?"
"Yes, please."
"I'll go get him. You should come visit sometime. You would like it here, I'm sure."
"I'm sure I would." I smiled a bit. He was nice.
A minute later, Bucky's voice came through the phone. "Steve?"
"Guess again." I said.
"Rosie. Hey. Please don't be mad."
"Oh, I'm mad. Could you really not have said bye, Buchanan?"
"I'm so sorry, Rosie. I had to leave and I couldn't walk away from you."
"Well, you did."
"But I didn't have to look at you this way."
Loki just appeared in the living room. It scared the hell out of me, but I didn't let my expression change. But I did have an idea.
"I'm not mad, Bucky. I get it." I shrugged. "I do."
"You... do?"
"I do. And maybe you're right."
"I'm... what?"
"Just let me know when you're back in town. I just wanted to call and say I love you and that I hope you'll be happy there. I don't have time to talk, though. I'm going out with... a friend."
"A friend? Who?"
"No one. Just a friend."
"A guy friend?"
"I have to go, sweetie. Talk to you later."
"Okay, I'm coming home. Damn, woman. I'll be there tomorrow morning. But I'm leaving that arm here. It's fucking heavy. And cold."
I paused. "What? You can just, like... take it off?"
"I have to go tell them I need to come back. I'll see you later."
He hung up and I turned to Loki. He smiled. "Cunning. I like the way you think."
"I'm such a bitch." I sighed. "But how the hell did you get in here?"
"I'm didn't. I heard you talking so I waited outside. Come open the door, please." He disappeared.
This was weird as all hell, but I went to open the door anyways, and he was standing outside. "So, how are you going to come up with a guy? We both know you haven't any friends outside of your little superhero group." He walked in without me inviting him.
"I don't know. Hire an escort?" I laughed and closed the door. "Steve said I'm supposed to call him if you come here."
"But you won't."
"No."
"Because I don't despise you, I can get somebody to pretend to be this guy you told your lover about."
"Yeah, no." I shook my head. "I like you and all, but I don't think it's a good idea to be indebted to you in any way."
"Why, pray, is that?"
"I trust Steve significantly more than I trust you. Besides, I never actually told him it was a guy. And stop calling him my 'lover.' Just call him Bucky. I take it your brother hasn't found you?"
"Oh, no. If he had, I'd be pretty beat up. Isn't it horrid to be the youngest?"
"I don't know. My brother was always nice, and I was my parents' sweet little girl." I smiled and sat down on the couch.
"Really? Must be nice. I stab my brother. He tries to smite me with lightening. He's Odin's favorite, but I'm Mother's—was Mother's."
"Was?"
"Oh, yes. She died. I was in jail at the time. My brother and his stupid mortal girlfriend got her killed."
"Oh my. I'm sorry."
He shrugged.
"You should stay for dinner."
"Won't your patriot friend be here?"
"No, he's in Wakanda, apparently."
"No, the blond one."
"Oh, yeah. He'll be here."
The window broke suddenly and a blond man came through feet first.
"What the hell?" I said quietly, my heart racing.
Loki sighed. "And now you'll have the displeasure of meeting my brother."
"Your brother broke my window." I stood up and moved to stand beside Loki.
"Yes, I apologize for that."
The beefy blond raised his eyebrows. "Usually it's me saying that."