Positive Regard

Chapter Fourteen

Loki and I played war with Solitaire cards. Steve was gonna be pissed.
"So, why exactly aren't you welcome here?" I asked as I laid down a king and he laid down a two.
"I haven't the vaguest idea. Although, it could have something to do with that time I sent an army from space into your world and destroyed part of New York, the result of which was my brother getting to them before I did. They think I'm evil. Maybe I am." He grinned.
"Just a word of advice: when you're in a stranger's house, you probably shouldn't say that you're evil."
"I'm simply being honest." He smiled.
The door opened and somebody walked in. "Babe?" Bucky called.
"You'd probably be best not to tell them I was here." Loki said, getting up and opening the window before jumping out of it.
I ran to look out the window. Who the hell just jumped out of a window? Loki was walking down the street, as if he hadn't jumped from high enough to break his legs.
"Um... are you okay?" Bucky asked as he came into the kitchen.
"Yep." I turned around to see him carrying about six bags in one hand.
"Playing cards?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah." I said casually.
"What were you playing?"
"War."
"By yourself?"
"Yep."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yep." I smiled and started unpacking groceries. "How was the store?"
"It was fine. It was really cold."
"You were cold?"
"I was, actually." He threw a box of cheez-its at me.
"Are you sick?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Don't touch my forehead. Don't touch it. No. Rosie." He backed up as I came forward to put my wrist to his head.
"It's not a hard process, come here." I grabbed his hand.
He ducked. "I'm not sick."
"Okay, okay." I went back to putting the groceries away. "You're not sick."
"Thank you. Where's Steve?"
"He went to talk to Tony. Wanna watch a movie?"
"What movie?"
"Footloose? Tony said it's good."
"Why do like him so much? Everyone says he's a dick."
"I think he's all right." I shrugged.
"Yeah, let's watch the movie." He kissed my head.
We sat down on the couch and I leaned over to kiss his head. "You're hot."
"Thanks." He smirked.
"I meant physically."
"As I said: thanks."
"I meant your temperature, asshole."
"I haven't been sick in, like, eighty years. I'm not gonna start now."
I shrugged. "Okay."
"I feel like crap." He whined, laying his head on my lap.
"Sleep."
"No."
"You haven't slept in three days."
"I've been sleeping for most of seventy years."
"Take a nap."
"No."
"Fine, then get off me. I don't want your germs."
"You're mean." He sighed, sitting up.
I sighed. "Come here. For the record, you probably wouldn't be sick if you would sleep."
He leaned against me. "I'm sorry I've been such an ass."
I kissed his head. "It's fine, sweetie. Did you go to a bar?"
"No, why?"
"You smell like a bar. And it doesn't take three hours to go shopping."
"Okay, so I might have. I can't get drunk at home. You'd disapprove of how much it took."
"I'm just saying. Ruining your liver isn't gonna help anything."
"You don't know that."
"I kind of do."
"I'm not gonna ruin my liver. I survived falling off a train. I don't think it'll be drinking that kills me."
"It's your life." I shrugged, twirling his hair around my fingers.
He yawned and pushed my hand away from his hair. "You're making me tired."
"Do you wanna move out to the country?"
"What?"
"Do you wanna move out to the country?" I repeated.
"I still think I should get as far away from you and Steve as possible."
"I can't speak for Steve, but I won't allow it."
"We aren't married. I have no obligation to obey."
"Yes we are."
He sat up quickly and looked at me. "Shit. Shit. Are we really? Fuck. I--Oh my God." He said quietly. "We... I can't remember that?"
"No. But did I scare you?" I grinned.
"No." He mumbled, sitting back down. "I was just gonna say that the Bible says married people can have sex."
I laughed. "Honestly, Buck, if you weren't literally the ideal guy, I never would've kept dating you."
"You know I don't mean it." He started to kiss me, but I pushed him away.
"No. I don't wanna get sick."
"Would you really have broken up with me?" He asked.
"Oh, yes. Dad would've had a heart attack if I was dating someone who asked for sex all the time."
"I'll stop asking. Just sit here and suffer, like I've done for seventy years. I mean, I was only tortured by Nazis. I can pretty much guarantee that when the others got home, they got laid. But no, I had to go and choose the most pious girl in the country."
"Not my fault all your friends were sinners."
He sighed. "Fine. Let's just watch the movie."
"Either way, you're sick right now."
"Wait, so when I'm not sick? Damn. What kind of medicine do they have these days?" He sat up again.
"Yeah, no. Sit back down, hon."
He put his metal arm to the side of my face.
It was freezing, so I shrieked and jerked back. "Bucky!"
"Still the ideal guy?" He grinned, kissing me quickly before sitting back down and leaning back against me. I started playing with his hair. He swatted my hand away, but didn't do anything when I started again. By the time the preacher's daughter stood in front of a train, Bucky was asleep.
Steve came in and started talking, but I shushed him.
"Oh. He's sleeping." Steve sounded surprised. "How did you manage that?"
"He always falls asleep when you play with his hair." I smiled.
"How'd you figure that out?"
"One time in freshman year I gave him puppy dog eyes until he let me braid his hair."
Steve laughed quietly. "He's always been a softie, huh?"
"Oh, yeah." I smiled.
"Only for you, Rosie. If I wanted to braid his hair he'd let me get beat up in an alley."
I laughed. "Well."
"That's why his mom made him cut his hair, isn't it?"
"Yeah. She said a man's hair shouldn't be long enough to be braided and chopped it off." I laughed. "But how'd it go with Tony?"
"Fine. I did everything short of begging for forgiveness and he said it was fine but I don't know. I do kind of feel bad, though." He sat down in the chair beside my side of the couch. "So, are you and Tony friends now or something?"
"I guess. I did kind of shove a bunch of emotional baggage on him." I smiled. He should feel bad. But I couldn't tell him that.
"He said he's coming to you for fashion advice from now on since you're the only one who'll be honest with him. You guys smell like booze and cigarettes. Were you at a bar?"
"Bucky was. Apparently he doesn't wanna get drunk here because I wouldn't approve, but apparently he thinks I'd approve of him driving but it's fine. Tell me, Steve, does it suck to be the only one in the world who can't get wasted?"
"You know what, it really does. I hate being DD."
"Being what?"
"Designated driver. It's the person who has to drink coke while everyone gets drunk."
"That sounds horrid. It doesn't even have cocaine in it anymore."
He laughed. "It's horrid all right. Watch out when he wakes up, Rosie."
I looked down at Bucky. His eyes were moving quickly behind his eyelids and the hair around his face was plastered with sweat. He was breathing quickly, making mumbled sounds.
"Doesn't it just break your heart?" I said quietly.
"Yeah. I couldn't imagine..." Steve trailed off.
"He doesn't like for you to see this stuff. He wants to be who you think he is."
"He wants the same of you." Steve rubbed his face, looking tired.
"I know."
"Rose?"
"Yeah?"
"He still wants to marry you."
"I don't think he's ready for that right now." I took my hands off of Bucky as he turned his face into my skirt and balled part of it up in one of his hands.
"I think he is. He actually looks... peaceful when he's withyou. You know? You've always been good for him, but right now you're what he needs."
"Half the time he doesn't even look at me, Stevie."
"He doesn't think he deserves you. He's scared to relax. Can you blame him?"
"No. I can't. Hey, Steve?"
"Yes?"
"Are you okay?"
"Me?" He asked, looking surprised. "Yeah. Why?"
"Well, I mean, within three days you were alone in the world. Then you got in a plane crash and got frozen. Then when you woke up, you fought a bunch of space alien things and your best friend tried to kill you, and then Peggy Carter died and then you got into a big ass fight with all of your friends."
"Yeah, but everything's fine now—How did you know about what happened with Loki?" He raised his eyebrows.
Uh oh. How did I know about that? "Tony told me about it on the way to Siberia. I asked about him."
"Nice try, but Tony doesn't talk about it. Tell me, Rose."
"Okay, so I might have met Loki."
"When the hell did you meet Loki? What did he want? Was Thor with him? Where did you meet him?"
"The other day." I said casually.
"Where? What did he want?"
"Nothing. We just played cards."
"Played... what? Was he here?"
Now would be a good time for Bucky to wake up. I had to pee anyways. All I had to do was touch Bucky and he would wake up, but he needed to sleep, so I wouldn't. "Okay, so it was today. And yes he was here."
"What? Why the hell was he here? Rose, you are aware that he's the most dangerous person you'll ever meet, right? Why was he here?"
"Don't be so loud. Should we wake him up?" I asked, looking down at Bucky. His shirt was wet with sweat and he was biting his lip so hard it was bleeding.
"No. Don't touch him." Steve reached out and grabbed my hand as I started to lay it back on Bucky. "If anything happens and he hurts you, he'll be out the door before you can ask him to stay and give him your cute little puppy dog eyes."
I put my arm back on the couch, smiling sweetly a Steve. "Aw, you think I'm cute?"
"Why was Loki here?" He didn't look amused.
"He said he was hiding from his brother."
"Why?"
"Because he bit him."
"He... he what?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. That's just what he said. But I like him. I think he's charming."
"He destroyed New York City, Rose."
"I didn't say he was sane."
"I can't believe you." He sighed. "Don't let him in next time, okay? Call me. Don't associate with him at all."
"Okay." I said, even though I wouldn't do that. I knew Bucky needed to sleep, but I couldn't stand to watch it anymore. I put my hand on his hair.
He grabbed my hand and pushed it away as he sat up. His eyes darted around the room before settling on Steve and then me. He put my hand down on my lap and slowly pulled his arm back to him. "Sorry." He said quietly, wiping blood from his chin. His eyes widened. "Whose is this? Oh my God—"
"It's yours." I said calmly. "You're okay. It's okay."
He slumped back against the couch, breathing heavy.
"Do you wanna talk, sweetie?" I asked.
"Excuse me. I'm gonna go throw up." He got up and walked out.
"Brush your teeth." I said.
"He'll be fine, Rosie." Steve got up and sat beside me, putting his arm around me.
"That's what everyone keeps saying."
Bucky came back after a minute and Steve went back to the chair. Bucky sat on the opposite side of the couch. I moved to sit by him.
"No. Don't touch me." He said quietly.
I brushed his hair out of his face. He still hadn't let me cut it. I really wanted him to cut it. He looked like Jesus. "Come here."
He took my face in his hands and kissed my head. "You're a saint, Rosie."
I pulled his arm around me and leaned back against him.
A couple minutes later, Bucky stood up. "Guys, we can go to a jazz club now."
"We aren't going to a jazz club." Steve said.
"Go get dressed, Stevie. We're going to a jazz club."