Positive Regard

Chapter Eleven

I hated snow. I didn't even like the cold. Bucky used to say winter was his favorite season because I was more open to letting him touch me around other people. Apparently I stood closer and encouraged him to put his arm around me. He was always warm, though. I was just trying to keep warm enough not to freeze to death. Survival of the fittest.
"You're getting me into so much trouble." Tony said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"If they're smart, they'll know it's my fault and they should've just let me come in the first place."
"And you talk about Cap being stubborn."
"I never said I wasn't." I smiled.
When we got there, the door to the base was already open. Tony made me stay behind walls while he walked into rooms to make sure it was "safe." I just wanted to make sure Bucky was okay. I didn't have the patience to wait.
But I mean, of course he wasn't okay. I just wanted to make sure he was relatively okay.
"Don't shoot." Tony said after he went around a wall. "It's me. I come in peace to talk and apologize."
I walked around the corner. "And I came to kick both of your asses."
"Rosie?" Steve and Bucky both said. They were both part way behind Steve's shield.
"Why the hell would you bring her?" Steve demanded while Bucky looked around the room. He looked sick.
"Because I made him and I'm scary." I said.
"You're not scary." Bucky said.
"I am too."
"She is a little." Tony admitted.
I gestured for Bucky to come talk to me. He came over and half listened but mostly looked around the room.
"I know where we are." I said.
"You... you do?"
"I think you should—"
"Stop it. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"I'm fine."
I didn't say anything.
He jerked his thumb towards a chair in the middle of the room. "That was my chair."
I nodded, trying not to look horrified.
"My head hurts. I want to throw up." He ran his free hand over his face.
I pushed his other hand down so his gun was lowered towards the floor. "You don't need to be in here."
"Yes I do. Steve asked me to, I'm staying."
"I don't think Steve thought it through. He wouldn't want you to suffer like this."
"I'm fine, doll." He put his hand on my arm and pulled me back to Steve and Tony. "We don't have time to just sit here. You wait out here. Stark, you stay here with her."
"I'm not waiting here." I said. "I'm going with you."
"No, you're not. There are five assassins waiting in there. Each one of them could take out a medium sized country's army all on their own. You're waiting out here, and if anything happens, you're getting the hell out of here."
"Please, Rose." Steve said. "Just stay here."
"Well, since you asked nicely." I said.
"Really?" Tony asked, looking like he doubted it.
"No."
I followed them into the room anyways. Steve walked in the middle with Tony to his left and Bucky to his right. Bucky made me walk behind him. When we walked into a room where the soldiers were supposed to be, they were all dead, shot through the head.
Some guy with an accent started talking over speakers somewhere. I didn't really listen. I didn't need to. It's not like I could do anything anyways. Bucky was leaning against a wall, his eyes darting around the room. I touched his arm and he jerked, holding his arms out between us. He was sweaty, even though it was freezing. He pushed my hand away and shook his head, going back to scanning the room.
"I know this road." Tony said suddenly. "What is this?"
Bucky tightened his grip on his gun, his breathing heavy. He switched between watching Tony, looking around the room, and looking down at his hands.
"Tony." I said quickly, leaving Bucky's side to go to Steve and Tony. "You don't have to watch it. Tony."
He glanced at me, then looked back to the screen where a video of his parents' death was playing.
"Tony. You know what happened. You don't need to see it." I put my hand on his arm. I wanted to whirl him around and make him not watch it, but it was, after all, his choice. "Tony."
He moved his head to look around me.
I touched his cheek. "Please, Tony. Don't."
He stepped in front of me and held out his arm, shooting the screen with his cool Iron Man suit. Man, that thing had everything.
"What now?" Tony asked the man we could see through a window above us.
A look of panic flashed over his face and he disappeared from our view.
Bucky was still leaning against the wall, Tony was staring at the floor, and Steve was looking at me.
"Steve! Go!" I said quickly, nudging him.
Steve took off after the man.
"Come on. Let's go." I said briskly to Tony and Bucky. The less time I had to sit in here with two emotionally unstable men, the better it would be. When we got out of here, Bucky would be better. Tony seemed okay, but I didn't see how he could be.
I grabbed the arm of Tony's suit and started pulling him towards Bucky.
"I'm fine." He shook my hold off. "I'm gonna go help Cap."
He ran off in the direction Steve had. Bucky started to follow, but I snapped my fingers and he looked at me, jumping slightly.
"No, Buchanan. You're with me. Follow." I walked out, fully expecting him to follow, but he didn't, so I turned back around.
"I... no." Bucky shook his head. "You, Steve and Stark leave. Leave me here."
"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Leave me here. I need to be like the others—"
"No. No, Bucky. No."  I came back in and stood in front of him.
"Leave before I do it, baby."
"No."
"I don't want you here."
"Well, I don't want you here." I was gonna cry. It was gonna happen.
"Steve can't keep saving my ass. It's not worth it. They shouldn't die and I be allowed to live. I'm just like them, except I actually killed people. I need to stay here. Please, Rosie. Just let me get put out of my misery. Please." He used his free hand to put his fingers on my cheek. His hands were cold.
"I'm sorry, Bucky. I don't want you to hurt. But I can't let you do this."
He wiped my tears with the thumb of his right hand. "I know. But this is what I want—it's what I need. It needs to happen."
"No it doesn't. Not all of us can be as selfless as you. I know I'm a selfish bitch, but I can't let you do this. Please, Bucky. Please come with me."
There was a loud bang from somewhere in the facility, and Bucky whirled around, pushing me against the wall and standing in front of me, facing out.
"Bucky, baby. There's nobody here but us." I said gently. "Let's leave, Bucky."
He stepped away and turned back around to face me. He kissed my cheek. "Go, Rosie."
Desperate times called for desperate measures. I let myself start bawling. "Bucky I'm scared. Please get me out of here. Please, Bucky. I'm scared." It wasn't a lie. I was terrified of everything in this place—of the guy who was trying to make them fight amongst themselves, of the five corpses with bullets through their brains, of that torture chair in the middle of the floor. I was even scared of Bucky, a little.
"Baby. You're with me. You don't need to be scared."
"Please Bucky." I grabbed his hand. "Please let's go. Bucky."
"Okay. Let's go." He kissed my head and put his arm around me, leading the way out. Just like the old Bucky would have.
When we got outside, he leaned against the wall and vomited while I looked at Steve and Tony with two strangers. One of them—the one Steve was pointing a gun at—was the asshole who was fucking shit up, and one of them was some black guy in a cat suit. People didn't dress like that in the forties.
"Rosie, this is the king of Wakanda." Steve said, partly to draw attention away from Bucky, probably.
The king of Wakanda was hot. Granny would've had a heart attack if I ever said a black guy was attractive. But she also probably would have had a heart attack if she found out I even knew a black guy. She was extremely old fashioned.
I walked over. Was I supposed to call him Your Majesty? Was I supposed to make eye contact with him?
"T'Challa, this is Rosemary." Tony said. "She's Barnes' girl."
The king bowed slightly. "You must be cold. I wish I had a jacket to give you." He said with a smile.
"I'm fine. Thank you, though." I smiled. Damn. What a gentleman. I liked him.
"I apologize for wanting to kill your boyfriend."
"Don't worry about it. I wanna kill sometimes too."
He laughed.
"So, how are we supposed to get him back?" Steve asked.
I wanted to kick him in the balls. I'd shoot him, but Steve wouldn't let me, I was sure.
"He can get in my suit. JARVIS won't let him do anything." Tony said, and his suit just opened up--technology was so cool. Tony got out and pushed the guy in. "JARVIS, put everything on lockdown. He doesn't even take a step without our permission."
"Yes sir." JARVIS said, and the suit closed back up again.
"You go handle Bucky." I said to Steve, patting his arm.
"No. You."
"You."
"You're his best friend."
"You're his girlfriend."
"I've been dealing with him. Your turn."
"You're better with emotions."
"You understand better."
"I've never been tortured."
"Neither have I! At least you've been in a war." I gave him my best sweet, innocent, puppy eyes look.
"You go. I'm a man, he's not gonna wanna talk to me."
"Fine, then you have to talk to Tony."
"About what?"
About what? "About how you knew what happened to his parents and didn't tell him. Plus, I'm sure he's upset about that video."
He sighed. "Fine, I'll take Bucky."
I wasn't going to talk to Tony about his emotional trauma. He wasn't gonna wanna talk about that with a virtual stranger. I just really couldn't handle watching Bucky suffer anymore.
I went into the plane with the king of wherever, Tony, and the guy in Tony's suit.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I sat beside him.
"Fine." He smiled.
"I'm sorry, Tony."
"It's fine. You're right. I didn't need to watch it and there's no reason for me to be bitter."
"It's all right for you to be upset."
"I don't need to validate my feelings. You sound like a self-help book. JARVIS, make him sit down. I don't like him standing. I don't like people touching my stuff."
"Oh, I know." I'd known him for less than a week and I knew that.
"See, if you know that, why can't anybody else get that? You're fantastic. Are they coming? I'm tired of sitting in here with this creep."
"I can go get them."
"No, no. It's fine. Your boyfriend's pretty chill for all of this to be happening."
"Yeah, he doesn't like emoting. Like every other man I know."
"Most of us match the stereotype." He smiled.
I looked out the window to see Steve and Bucky coming towards the plane.
"You guys okay?" I asked.
"Fine." Bucky said gruffly.
"Let's get out of here." Steve closed the door and latched it.
Tony and T'challa sat in the front--was I really supposed to call him T'challa? I wouldn't call Queen Elizabeth Elizabeth. Bucky stood by the wall, staring at the guy whose name I didn't know that was in Tony's suit.
Steve went to stand by Bucky and they talked under their breath for a minute before Bucky came to sit by me.
"So, doll, fornication's not frowned upon these days." He put his arm around me.
"Sorry, sweetie. The church says no."
"Worth a shot."
"Also, just to be clear, Bucky. When I said not to get captured by Nazi's, I really kind of meant not to get captured by anybody."
"I've never been good at following rules." The corner of his mouth twitched up in a smile.
I picked his hand up, playing with his fingers. "Are you gonna be okay, Buck?"
"Come here. Kiss me."