Positive Regard

Chapter Four

I walked into Bucky's parents' house one evening to see Steve sitting on their couch.
"Steve? I didn't know you were coming." I smiled.
"Rose. Oh, God." He put his hand to his head. "Leave. Please. I'll come by in a minute."
"What?" I raised my eyebrows, trying not to be offended.
Mr. and Mrs. Barnes came in, looking concerned. "Steve." Mr. Barnes went to shake his hand. "What's going on, son?"
"Rosie. Come sit." He patted the spot on the couch beside him as he stood to shake his hand. "All of you. I need to..." his voice cracked and he sat back down. "I need to tell you something."
"It's Bucky, isn't it?" Mrs. Barnes sat down quickly. "Steve."
Steve cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, it's Bucky. I... we were on a mission and... we were ambushed. And he... he died. I'm so sorry." He looked at Bucky's mother and reached out to put his hand on hers. "I'm so sorry."
Mrs. Barnes put her face in her hands, crying. "Oh, God, my baby." She sobbed as her husband put his arm around her.
I started crying, then Mr. Barnes, and then Steve. One of Bucky's sisters ran in, bur Mrs. Barnes told her to leave. She left, but she was crying too.
Steve stood up and touched Mrs. Barnes' shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I just... I wanted to be the one to tell you. And I can... I can tell you what happened, if you want. I—"
"No. No, I don't want to know." She stood up and wrapped her arms around Steve. "Thank you, Stevie."
He hugged her quickly before letting go and saying he had to leave.
I ran out after him. "Steve." I said, gasping for air. "Steve."
He turned around outside the door. "Rosie, I..."
I flung my arms around him, sobbing. I could feel my heart breaking. Nothing had ever hurt worse than this. My parents dying, my brother... watching Steve at his mother's funeral. Nothing had ever hurt as badly as hearing this.
"Stop." He said quietly. "Stop, Rose. You don't know... you... I... It was my fault. I—it was my fault. I... I—"
"Stop it." I said, not letting him go. "Stop."
"You don't understand, Rose." He pushed me away. "You don't... it's my fault. I killed him."
"You didn't kill him." I grabbed his hand. "It couldn't have been your fault, Steve. Stop."
"It was. And we all know the last thing you need is to be with me and I need to go. I need to go—"
"Don't leave me. Please, Steve. Don't leave. Please stay, Steve."
"I have to go. I'm so sorry, Rosie."
"Steven Grant, if you leave right now I'll kick your stupid little ass so hard you won't be able to walk for a fucking week." I snapped as fiercely as I could while I was still crying.
He wrapped his arms around me, his shoulders shaking. "I'm sorry, Rosemary. So sorry."
He offered to walk me home, but I declined. I told him to stay here for a while, and then come over later. I didn't want to be with anybody.
Not long after I got home, there was a knock on the door. I wasn't going to answer, but they knocked again so I got out of bed. I started to dry my eyes, but it was no use. And besides, maybe if they saw how upset I was, they'd leave.
I opened the door to see a man in a uniform standing outside. On the side of his arm was a round patch, with an octopus thing with a skull on it.
"I'm sorry, sir, but now isn't a good time." I tried not to sound like I was crying.
"I think it is." He smiled. "I have information on Sergeant James Barnes that I think you might like."
"Who are you?" I asked.
"The man who can answer your prayers." He smiled. "Are you coming, Ms. Haywood?"
"Yes."
"Grab your coat. It will be cold."