Positive Regard

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"We should go out to dinner tonight." Bucky said Sunday after I came home from church. "Like a date. We haven't been on one of those in, what? Eighty years?"
"Not until you paint the bathroom! What have you done all the time I was gone?"
"I played with the dog." He said sheepishly.
I laughed. "Bucky."
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I thought about it, if that helps."
"Not really. Let me change, and then we can both paint the bathroom. Sound good?"
"Okay, fine."
I went to change, but I got a phone call before I could even get to the closet. I walked back out without changing.
"That was fast." Bucky said.
"Yeah, change of plans."
"What?"
"I have to go talk to a half naked man in a public restroom."
He looked up from his book. "I'm sorry?"
"Yeah. Loads of fun, am I right? Please start the bathroom while I'm gone, and then when I get back, I'll help and we can go out to dinner. Okay?"
"A half naked man?"
"Yeah. He's sitting on a toilet. So I'll be back."
He grabbed my hand as I walked past the couch. "He's old and wrinkly, right?" He looked up with a smile.
"He's in his late twenties, actually."
He sighed. "Shit. Okay."
"He's a methhead, Buck. Nothing to worry about." I laughed.
"Okay, good. In that case, please continue. Enjoy."
I leaned down and kissed him. "See you in a bit."
I sat on the floor of the men's restroom at Macy's for two hours, talking to a pantsless man. I finally got him to pull up his pants and come with me, and we went to the hospital. I left soon after so I could go home and change.
"Hey, babe." Bucky said from the hall bathroom when I came home. At least he was painting now. "How was it?"
"Don't talk to me. I smell like shit and piss and I really don't want to talk."
When I looked in the bathroom, he quickly wiped a smile from his face and went back to painting.
I continued down the hall to the bedroom and got in the shower as quickly as I could. I thought women's bathrooms were bad, but apparently we had it pretty damn good.
I felt better when I got out of the shower, but I still wasn't in a very good mood. I put my clothes in the washer and went to help Bucky in the bathroom. He told me to go "take a walk or something," but I had told him I'd help him paint, so that's what I'd do. I called Loki before I started helping, but he didn't answer. I hadn't talked to him in what felt like forever, but we used to talk at least once a week, and I was worried. I tried to open the letter every day, but it hadn't worked. At least that meant he wasn't dead.
"You okay?" Bucky asked as I picked up a paint brush.
"Yeah." I smiled, trying to look like I meant it. "Where's Maverick?"
"Sleeping on the couch."
"Didn't we decide he wasn't allowed on the couch?"
"We did. But you weren't home, so I made an executive decision."
I laughed. "Of course you did."
He would have ended up on the couch anyway. He slept underneath our bed, but I was sure it wouldn't be long until he was on that too.
Bucky tapped my shoulder, and when I turned around, he painted a blue dot on my forehead. I raised my eyebrows, and he smiled sweetly. Even if I'd wanted to be mad, I couldn't be. I put a line of paint down his face.
"Don't make a mess." I ducked as he pushed his paintbrush at me.
"Sorry, can't hear you." He grinned, getting paint in my hair. 
"Bucky."
"Can't hear you."
"Bucky."
"Can't hear you."
"We aren't going out until the bathroom's done."
He turned around and started painting the wall. "Fine." He huffed.
I laughed and went back to painting beside the tub.
When we finished, we used wipes to get the paint off of us, and most of it came off.
"Hey, babe, you know that sex thing with the paint--"
"Nope." I shook my head, pulling paint out of my hair.
"You don't even know what I was gonna say."
"Yes I do, and the answer's no."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're traditional in literally everything?" He leaned against the bathroom counter beside me. "Do you want help?"
"No, I got it. And yes, they have."
"Are we still going out to dinner?" He pulled me away from the counter and kissed me.
"Yeah, sure."
"When?"
I shrugged. "Whenever we want to, I guess. Is it all out of my hair?"
"Yes. I waited until you were done to interrupt."
"And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks." I smiled.
He made a face at me. "You're mean to me. I should've stuck with Polly. She wasn't mean to me."
"Polly was obnoxious."
"Only because you liked me." He sing-songed.
"I didn't. Everybody thought she was obnoxious. Ask Steve."
"He didn't think she was obnoxious."
"Yes he did."
"No he didn't."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"I'll call him."
Bucky called him, and after a brief discussion, it was decided that Steve had, in fact, thought Polly freaking Smith was obnoxious.
"Say it." I said.
"I'm not gonna say it."
"Oh, yes you are."
He sighed. "Fine. You were right. Happy?"
I smiled and kissed him. "Very much so. I'm gonna get dressed."
"You are dressed."
"In something else. We're going to dinner, aren't we?"
"Oh, yeah. Continue, then." He gestured out the door.
Maverick sat at my feet while I did my makeup.
"You're loving that, aren't you?" Bucky smiled as he watched me.
"I am. It's much more fun these days." I laughed. "Will you take the dog out?"
"Since it takes you forever to get ready now."
I threw a makeup brush at him. "It doesn't take me that long."
It really didn't; I just didn't want to walk the dog. He didn't have to know that, though.
I was sitting on the couch when he came back. Maverick went to his water, and Bucky came and held his hand out to me. "Ready, darling?"
I took it and stood.
"You look ravishing." He said quietly, kissing my cheek.
"Thanks." I smiled.
"Are you sure you don't wanna stay here?" He kissed me.
"Personally, I'm hungry." I laughed. "If you wanna cook--"
"Okay, let's go out." He kissed me again and grabbed my hand, pulling me out.
When he opened the front door, Steve was standing on the porch, his hand raised to ring the bell.
"We're going to dinner." Bucky said. "So, you know, get lost."
I elbowed him. "You can come, if you want."
Steve ran a hand through his hair. "Bucky, I need to talk to you. Like, now."
Bucky grinned. "Do you finally want to accept my advice on women?"
"No. This is important."
"So's your love life, Stevie."
"Bucky, can we talk?"
I pulled my hand from Bucky's and stepped backwards, back into the house. "Come in side, Steve. Water?"
"No. I can't stay long. I'm sorry, Rosie, but can we talk alone?"
"Yeah." I smiled a bit and went to the bedroom.
I was absolutely terrified. Steve didn't look all that nervous, but something was wrong. If everything was fine, Steve wouldn't have asked me to leave. Bucky must have picked up on it too, or he would have told me to stay.
I decided to try Loki's letter while I waited.
It opened.
Rosie,
If you're reading this, I'm either dead or dying. I knew things would be getting bad soon, so I just wanted to make sure everything was taken care of, in case anything happened.
As I mentioned last we met, I owe you greatly. I'm sure you didn't think anything of what you did to cause me to owe you so much, but I assure you it meant something immeasurable to me. I'm almost certain you don't know what I'm talking about, so I suppose I ought to tell you.
I must admit that when I first came to you, it was mostly for purely selfish reasons, then, as time went on, it was still for selfish reasons, although far different from the original. At first it was to try to get you on my side, before you could meet my brother. I know how much influence you have over Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers, and how much influence Barnes has on Rogers, and vice versa. I knew that if you could influence them, they would be able to influence the rest of the Avengers, in case the need ever arose. But, eventually, I realized that you were the only person on any world who truly cared for me. I have done many, many terrible things in the past, and you are the only one who would bother to look past that. Either way, though--and I shudder to admit it, but, since I'll be dead when you read this, I suppose it doesn't matter--I had become quite attached.
For your kindness, hospitality, and love, I owe you everything. Rest assured that, if need be, and if it still exists, all of Asgard will be behind you. There are many on your planet who owe me greatly, and all of them are to protect you at all costs. I assure you that you will live the remainder of your life in safety and peace. Though I'm not particularly fond of any of your friends, they will be protected too, since you seem to care so deeply for them.
I'm afraid, Rosie, that that is your fatal flaw. I advise you to be careful about who you love and trust, or it could very well be your downfall, and that would be a painful one.
Please, Rosie, rest assured in the safety of yourself and your friends, insofar as it is possible.
My mother raised a gentleman, and I know to give thanks when it is needed. I apologize for not saying it in person, but I didn't want you to worry if it was unnecessary, and as I said, if you're reading this, I'm dead. Because of you, my last couple of months have been far, far less miserable than they would have been otherwise. I hope I brought you even a portion of the joy you brought to me, and I'm so sorry that you'll be hurt when you read this, but I'm afraid nothing can be done. Please take comfort.
Love always,
Loki Odinson

I read it three times, and I still wasn't accepting it. Could gods even die? Since when did he call himself Odinson? Why would he owe me for being a half decent human being? He couldn't be dead.
When I heard Bucky coming down the hall, I wiped my eyes and stood up, trying to look composed.
"Hey, baby." He said quietly, shutting the door behind him. "We need to talk."
"What's wrong?" My voice came out shaky, so I cleared my throat.
"We really should've watched the news today."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"I have to go."
I looked down so he wouldn't see my eyes get wet. I blinked quickly, nodding. "Okay. Where are you going?"
"I'm not sure. I'm going with Steve to find Vision and Wanda, and I don't know where we're going from there." He put his fingers under my chin and lifted my face to make me look at him. "I'll be back, okay, doll?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"Come here. Kiss me."
I wanted to sit down and sob, but I pulled his head down and kissed him. "I love you, Bucky."
He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him. "I love you too, baby."
I let him go after a second. "I guess you guys need to hurry."
"Yeah. Kind of." He kissed me again. "I love you, baby. Are you gonna be okay here? You can go over to Steve's if you want. Call Fury if you need anything. Or Sharon or Pepper."
I smiled, like I did when he went off to war. "I'll be fine, Buck. Don't worry about me."
He nodded. "That's my girl."
I followed him back to the living room where Steve was waiting. He stood from the couch. "I'm sorry, Rosie." He said quietly.
I hugged him and kissed his cheek. "See you in a bit."
He nodded, wrapping his arms around me. "Yeah. See you."
I followed them to the front porch. "Okay, boys. You know the rules. Don't get captured. Don't die. The usual."
Steve saluted me. "Yes ma'am." He kissed my cheek and went down to the car he'd come in and left running.
Bucky kissed me again. "See you soon, love."
"I mean it, Bucky. Don't fucking get captured this time. Three strikes you're out."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He laughed a bit.
"It means I'm gonna stop getting worried and kick your ass."
He laughed and kissed me. "I'll do my best, doll."
I stayed on the porch until they left, then went inside and sat down on the couch, sobbing.
Loki was dead. Steve and Bucky were leaving, and they could be dead soon too.
Bucky texted me and reminded me lock the door, so I turned on the news and went to lock it.
When I came back, there was some fucking sci-fi spaceship or something on the tv screen.
"What the hell is that?" I said aloud, even though there was no one home.
I turned the tv back off and curled up on the couch. 
Loki was dead, and Steve and Bucky were going to fight fucking aliens or something. Everything was so much easier when Nazis were the worst threat.
Maverick sat on the floor by my feet, looking up at me and whining.
I patted the couch and said for him to come, but I'm not sure how understandable it came out. He didn't usually need much impetus to get up on the couch, and this time was no different. He sat on my lap, even though he was far too big to be a lap dog. It was fine, though. I was scared and sad and alone. I wanted Bucky. I should have told him about Loki, but he had to go, and he wouldn't have wanted to leave if I was upset.
I wanted Bucky. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me he loved me. I wanted him to kiss my head and say everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn't.
I doubted it was. Loki was dead, and Bucky and Steve were going to fight aliens.