Is This for Real

Chapter 37: Painting Over Secrets

TORI'S POV

"Did you hurt yourself?" Justin asked me seriously after he pulled away from our embrace.

"No," I replied while I looked at him. I looked down at my feet. "But, I almost did." My mind took me back to one fateful day at the orphanage about six months ago.

I took a deep breath. I can't do this anymore. I don't have a family. No one loves me. I'm just alone, and that's all I'll ever be.

I was currently in the bathroom. I looked around when my razor caught my eye. Slowly, I walked over to it. Then, I picked it up.

I held it to my wrist. I was just about to slide it back and make the first cut, when a line of lyrics popped into my head.

"We can go nowhere but up from here, my dear. Baby we can go nowhere but up. Tell me what we got to fear. We'll take it sky, past the moon, to the galaxies. As long as you're with me baby, honestly, with the strength of our love, we can go nowhere but up."

I set my razor down on the counter. Then, I put it away and locked myself in a stall. I put my head in my hands and began to cry. What if that song didn't pop into my head? Would I have cut? I don't know. All I know, is that I'm glad it did pop into my head.

After I finished telling him the story, Justin asked, "Did you ever..." he trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"No," I said. "That's why I'm thanking you. I don't what I would've done if it weren't for your music."

"You're so strong, Tori," he said. "I wish I could be more like you."

I felt the edges of my mouth curl into a small smile. "How about we do something fun tomorrow?" Justin suggested.

"Aren't the paparazzi constantly stalking you or something like that?" I asked.

"I'll figure something out," he said. "What do you want to do?"

Something popped into my head. It's something I've been itching to ask if I could do ever since I moved in here. But, I don't know how Pattie would feel about it. "Can I repaint my room?" I asked. "You know, stencil stuff on the walls, add new designs, stuff like that."

"Go ask and Mom. She's going to be gone tomorrow doing who knows what. I just know she's going to be gone. I can see if Caitlin and Chaz want to come over and help if she says yes," Justin said.

"Okay," I said. Then, I walked into the kitchen to find Pattie enjoying a cup of coffee.

"Hey Mom?" I asked while sitting at the table in a chair across from her.

"Yeah hun?" she asked and then took a sip of her coffee.

"I was wondering...um...could I repaint my room? Do some stenciling and add some designs to the walls," I said. Then I crossed my fingers in my lap, hoping that she'd say yes.

"I don't see why not. But, I'm going to be gone tomorrow. Will you be comfortable when it's only you and Justin home?"

"I'll be fine," I said. And then, a thought occurred to me. "If you don't mind me asking, where will you be tomorrow?"

"Can you keep a secret from Justin?" Pattie asked. I nodded. "Okay. Do you remember that girl named Avalanna?" I nodded again. "Well, I'm going to meet with Scooter to talk about when we can meet her. Then, we'll call Avalanna's parents and see what works for them."

"Why do you want to keep it secret from Justin?" I asked.

"I don't want him to tweet about it because then the media will show up and we both know what happens after that."