High Off Love

Chapter 9

August 24th

"When are you wanting to leave?" Toby asks while looking for food in the fridge.

"Let's leave in three days. Also I was thinking about going to New York."

"Since you didn't end up going to the store yesterday, we don't have any food," He remarks.

"I can go to the store now, if that's ok?" I don't want to push anything.

"No you stay here. I will go." He sounds mad.

I'm not going to just sit in a room, I've done that enough.

"Ok, well since we are leaving in three days I'm not going to get much. I'll be back in about an hour." He will probably call my sponsor while he's gone.

I check the hall to see if he's gone. He is. I walk down the hall to the bar down stairs.

I show my fake ID and order vodka. I take a drink. I wish I could do this without worrying. I will only have three drinks today. On my second drink I look over my shoulder and see Toby walking into hotel on the phone.

I hop up and run to the elavator, and close the door fast. Eighteenth floor. I run in and brush my teeth. He isn't up here yet, so I just plop down on the couch and pretend to be watching tv.

He walks in still on the phone saying bye.

"Who was that?" I am trying to sound sober.

It's been a while without alcohol, besides yesterday day, and the day before that. I get drunk easier. I'm only tipsy though.

"I wasn't really sure what to get at the store." He changes the subject.

I get up and walk into the kitchen.

"Who where you talking to on the phone?" I ask again.

"My brother," He lies.

I walk back to the couch and sit down. Toby follows me.

"Did you drink anything while I was gone?" He questions.

How can he do this? I don't know why it concerns him so much. He needs to learn I am happy when I drink.

"I did Toby, what are you going to do about it?"

He said he will leave me, but I know he won't.

"How much, and what?" He seems scared to ask.

"Three drinks of vodka."

He licks his lips and steps toward me. His eyes have tears in them. God, I didn't think I would make a grown man cry.

"I'm so sorry Alice." He swallows, no tears have fell from his eyes yet. "Obviously you weren't ready to leave rehab yet. I'm going to go pack." The first tear has fallen.

"Your leaving me?" I choke.

He doesn't answer me, he just packs his stuff. I fall to the ground. What have I done? He walks out of the room with his bags, and lays a debit card on the counter.

"Please don't do this. I promise Toby, I will never drink again, I promise. Just don't leave me." I cry following him to the door.

"Goodbye Alice." No.

He's gone.

Darkness has taken me over me once again.

"Hello, old friend." The darkness pleads.

....

Vodka made me drunk. Cocaine made me high. Toby made me loose control. I was at a small bar, but somehow I got to this huge club. A club with loud music.

I'm dancing up against.. John.. Jack.. Who cares.

I hear his voice in everything, I see his face when I close my eyes, he is in my head all the time. Being high doesn't even numb this pain, not even a little bit.

The way this guys hands are running down me doesn't even mask my thoughts. This guy is hot, but Toby is everything. Toby may not be super a hottie but he is all I want. I'm not feeling anything with this guy.

I am no longer alive anymore. Toby sucked the last little bit of life out of me, and it's all my fault.

"Want to get out of here?" The guy asks.

I'm not drunk enough if I'm thinking about going with him. I walk off to the bar, and he doesn't follow me.

"Two vodka's." I say to the bar tender.

He puts them in front of me.

"Thanks for the drink." A girl with brown and black tipped hair says to me.

"Who are you?" I ask downing my drink.

"I'm Rachel."