truly, teddy ✔️ [unedited]

105

dear ivo,

they wouldn't let me write to you. i had to beg doctor bell - who was no longer nice because i had almost made him bleed to death - if i could just have a pencil and paper. after hours of crying and screaming that i just wanted to write to you, doc bell obliged just so that i would stop screaming.

he made another doctor come and take care of me, make sure i don't hurt myself with the pencil. the new doctor's name is jake. he's too young to be called by his last name, a name that was impossible to pronounce anyways.

the pencil i am writing with right now is the dullest pencil i've ever written with. it's small and the pointy thing that holds the eraser is gone so i can't hurt myself in any way. makes me think how untrusted i am.

two days after the hallucinations thing and i was put under heavy surveillance. i was moved to another hospital room, one without windows and the door to the bathroom attached to it could only be locked from the outside. a doctor, doctor jake, was always with me, from when i wake up in the morning, to when i go to sleep at night.

i couldn't even take a shower without him being there. they thought i would somehow brake off the faucets and hurt myself. i know it was awkward and all but then i thought of all the other naked bodies he saw being a doctor and all, and let him wash my hair. the only thing he wouldn't do was wash my body and when i did, he would look the other way because i had said it made me feel like we were shooting porn. he had just laughed looked away.

jake even made me breakfast in bed on thursdays, my favourite day of the week. they were a good group of doctors, except for bell. he still wouldn't let anyone see me. he said it was because he feared something would set off in me and i'd go all crazy to them. i told him i would never do that. i think he still hasn't forgiven me for what i did to his arm.

truly,

teddy