truly, teddy ✔️ [unedited]

teddy's pov

i put the pencil down and sigh. this is it. this is the last time i'd write something. cherry hills would surely not allow me to even be near a pencil much less use one. coming up with one last thing to write to ivo, i take out another paper and scribble it down.

the door opens and in comes mum, her eyes sad and tears running down her cheeks. she sits down beside me and clamps her hands together in her lap.

we don't say anything for a while. the silence envelops us like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night. it was a nice silence, one i haven't had with mum for a long time. i like it.

after a while mum says, "who are you writing to?"

"a human being."

"what's its name?"

"ivo."

she makes a sound and lays down on my hospital bed. i do the same. "i remember him," she whispers. "he was your best friend right?"

i nod. "the bestest friend I've ever had."

"you have a lot of men in your life," mum states.

"they make up for dad."

mum whimpers and turns to her side.

"oh, mum, i'm so sorry." i rub her back and her chest heaves. "he was no good anyways."

she makes a choked sound, somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "it's okay, teddy."

she sighs and turns back around so she's laying on her back again. wiping her tears away, she says, "so this is the last time i can talk to you."

"no, they let family visit on holidays like spring break and stuff. just no friends."

she nods and doesn't say anything for a bit. the silence sits in again and i find myself taping the rhythm of drops of jupiter on my hospital sheets. mum joins in after a bit but not with her hands, but with her voice.

"now that she's back in the atmosphere, with drops of jupiter in her hair," mum sings, her beautiful voice ringing out in the little hospital room. she was in choir for all of her school years. ever since she was in grade one, she was one of the first to sign up for the school choir. she stopped going when her sister - and my aunt - died from cancer when mum was in grade eleven.

after we finish singing one of the greatest songs known to man, mum sighs. "i'm scared, teddy."

"i am too," i whisper. i reach over and hold her hand. "but it's going to be okay. they're going to keep me safe from you and everyone else that I could possibly kill if i go crazy."

"but i don't want you to go to a mental hospital."

"i don't want to either."

"why don't you just stay here instead?" she says. "they can keep you here and i can come see you and everything will be fine."

"i wish it were that simple, mum. the hallucinations; they're getting worst. just yesterday, i almost stabbed ty because i thought he was a hallucination. i don't want to almost hurt you too."

"is there anything i can do to help you?"

"let me go to cherry hills."

she squeezes my hand. "okay," she whispers then pulls me into a hug. "i love you so much, teddy."

i hold her tighter and burry my face in her shoulder. "i love you too."

***

mum and i were visiting the teen's ward when doctor bell comes to us.