Dear Diary, Life is trying me

Entry 22

Pic is of Gerard's new hair.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Dear Oli,

I don't know what I expected today. Maybe I expected Frank to be my friend. Maybe I expected him to talk to me. Maybe I expected him not to give me a weird look and walk the other way when I waved to him in the hallway today (which took a lot of courage, I must say).

But that's what happened.

Ray went with Mikey and I to school this morning because he stayed over and he left his car at school. He and Mikey seem like they're pretty good friends.

If they weren't straight, I would've shipped them.

But alas, Mikey has a girlfriend.

Ray invited me to sit with Bob, Frank, and him at lunch (Mikey has a freshman lunch) between classes, but I refused politely. Because after what Frank did to me in the hallway, I didn't want to be too close to him. It was too awkward.

So during lunch I sat on the bleachers as usual, far away from the cafeteria and the idiotic teenagers. And I drifted into Frankland, which unfortunately wasn't very pleasant.

I started to think things like:

What if he knows I like him?

What if he thinks I'm weird?

What if he thinks I'm ugly?

What if he hates me?

What if he knows that I'm gay and isn't okay with it?

What if he tells everyone?

I started to freak out a bit. I was so not ready to come out (well, still am).

I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. Panicking wasn't going to solve anything.

Plus, I didn't know if Frank knew. How could he? It's not like I told anyone, although I'm pretty sure my brother knows.

By the time I finished calming down, the bell had rung for my next class.

I spent the rest of the day in a daze. Still affected by that awkward hallway situation.

When school ended, I sent Mikey a text telling him to take a ride with Ray today because I was going out. He didn't ask any questions. He just said, okay.

I went to the hair supply place near the supermarket not far from my house.

I had a mission: Buy hair dye.

And I did.

I bought black hair dye, then I locked myself in the bathroom at home and I dyed it.

I needed something new.

I needed something edgy.

I needed something to do to take my mind off of Frank's little snub.

Plus, my brown hair was boring anyways. And now my hair matches Frank's... and my mood, unfortunately.

Maybe he'll like it?

I'm just hoping that he was in a bad mood today and didn't mean to look at me weirdly and avoid me.

Fingers crossed.

Well, worse comes to worst, I just date you.

Which isn't so bad after all.

You really are a good listener...

Well, anyways, I spent the rest of the evening listening to anti-love songs from my anti-Valentine's-Day playlist I made when I was feeling forever alone.

Or should I say, forever available.

I'll just get a bunch of cats and die because I'm allergic to them.

Oh Frank, why don't you love me?

Well time for me to go back to listening to depressing music.

Goodnight Oli.

XO,

G

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(A/N: I really wasn't planning on writing anything today. I swear this chapter just wrote itself. It was as if I had no control whatsoever over what was happening. But that's good, I guess.. right?

I swear, Alesana has done wonders to my writer's block. This time it was the song Annabel. It just got me into such a writing mood.

Thank you Alesana! ^_^

Also, I've been watching too much yaoi/shounen ai anime. It's really bad.

I just finished Loveless, Junjou Romantica, Kirepapa, This Boy Caught a Merman, Papa to Kiss in the Dark, and Hey Class President, and I'm watching Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi at the moment. It seriously has been getting in the way of my productivity.

And also, my sister and I are trading rooms so my normal workspace is kinda crazy.

She just ran into my room and threw all my shit onto the floor, then started pushing in her furniture.

I was like, what the fuck?

So I hope the next update is soon :)

I just had to make Gerard's hair black :3 I think it's sexy ;D)

~Ellie