The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 8 SUCK IT IN!

Instead of thinking the ifs, buts and whys; instead of numbing and feeding yourself with false hopes; instead of thinking answers to your questions; instead of reminiscing in the past, you should be starting to accept what is happening in your life right now. The best solution on this stage is to SUCK IT ALL IN – the pain. Because accepting that pain will definitely heal you and make you stronger. Sadly, many people would avoid this process and rather would choose to stay away from the pain or cover it.

During my healing stage I was asked by a friend, saying: 'why not just look for another girl? A rebound for you to forget the pain and to move on. It was a beautiful temptation but I plainly said 'no'. What was the reason? Simple, I would just hurt her or she would just hurt me along the process and intensify the pain that I am encountering. Worse, I will use a person that I don't love just to cover up the pain. Most common mistake in a rebound relationship is that you do not really love the person. Rebound is an act of the brain and not of the heart. You are in a flight mode in facing the problem. The most horrible thing in a rebound relationship is that you are changing your rebound partner in the same liking of your ex. You wanted your rebound partner to be the same as your ex and your ex will continue to be the standard of your other relationship. Few rebound relationship last because of those reasons. Besides, no one deserves to be a rebound partner, to be treated as an object, to be used at the expense of the other.

Nonetheless, there is no other way to move on aside from accepting where you are right now. Go into your FIGHT MODE and stop escaping the reality. No one said that moving on is easy and not painful; it's the other way around. What is the best attitude at this time is to ACCEPT. Yes, accept what is happening. Accept the pain and EMBRACE the loneliness, frustration and boredom. Accept your brokenness and embrace your emptiness. For after accepting and embracing will be strength, joy, wholeness and grace. Yes, these will happen and it will pour. But before you can get well you need to swallow the bitter medicine again and again until you get well. We should not be afraid of the pain. We should be befriending the pain. The process of befriending it is not easy. It is like befriending a human friend that needs total acceptance and never wanting it to change for if we try to change it, it will lose its true essence. Also, befriending doesn't happen overnight, it is a day to day process, a slow agonizing progress but will be rewarding towards the end.

Another secret to this stage is to BELIEVE. Yes, believe in yourself that you can do it, for no one will do it for you. The advices of your friends are empty if your ears and heart are closed. Your friends and family can give you support and guidance but you will be the one to do it. You are the sole player in this stage. The success or failure of your endeavor will depend upon you. So better ACCEPT, EMBRACE and BELIEVE and then healing process begins.

Bible Verse of the day:

Joshua 1: 9

9 I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.