The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 5 Beers and Tears: The 'Anak Puta' Experience

After casting the lots between hopes and despair, accept whatever outcome it may bring. If the dices favors you, then, congratulations! You are now exempted in reading this nonsense book. Sadly, if the dices are against you, then suffer while reading this book.

I used the word 'anak puta' (or putang ina or son of a bitch) because this is the worst curse you can give or receive in Kapampangan. It is also the expression used when pain is intolerable or unbearable or in great depression or anger. This experience of being cursed, unbearable pain, depression and anger is exactly what we are going to talk about in this chapter. Well, this is now the MOVING ON stage! Welcome! This is just the beginning of the onslaught that you are experiencing. Yes, there is more pain to come.

It is an 'anak puta' stage for the pain is indescribable, intolerable, and unbearable. All you want to do is either drown yourself with beers or tears. The pain is so excruciating that it causes heartaches (literally), headache, vomiting, dizziness, lack of sleep and appetite, and hyperacidity to name a few resulting to stress and sickness. Some people get hospitalized on this period due to gastrointestinal diseases caused by tremendous stress. This period will literally drive you crazy. Imagine sleeping late then waking up 2 or 3 am or finding yourself unable to sleep thinking of your ex. As if there is a heavy object placed on your chest. Then all you want to do is drown yourself in sadness and sorrow.

This is also the period that you just want to cry, shout, pound your head on a wall, or roll over at the ground sobbing relentlessly. You want to sleep to forget but sleep doesn't come. You wanted to forget your ex and the pain in your life but in doing so you find yourself thinking of the person and magnifying the pain. As they say, if the mind and the heart quarrel, the liver suffers. Some at this point becomes alcoholic, drug addict, sex addicts, loners, and some commits suicide. We try to cover up the pain and forget the most important lesson of this stage. It is not covering up or withdrawal, it's facing the problem as it is. Some at this stage try to run away from the problem discovering that the situation is like their shadows, it follows you everywhere. It is not bad to drink but should be in moderation. If you want to get knocked out and if it will help, then do it. If you want to cry, and then cry, surely it will help. But as of drinking and crying, remember to set a limit as to when you are going to stop it. There should be a gradual cessation not gradual increase. Beers and Tears will help but is NOT the solution.

Yes you are depressed and sometimes finding yourself angry or helpless and depress, you don't have the appetite in eating and you don't have the drive to work, this is normal and this is only temporary. You need to feel these different fluctuating emotions for the next step to reveal itself to you. Do not linger in the feeling of lost and pain and how to avoid them. Rather asses on how you can get over these emotions and make yourself productive. The next chapter will be devoted on these strategies. The strategy in this period is just to feel what you feel and acknowledge it. Yes you are hurting and yes it is painful, feel it but never linger or wallow. You are feeling these emotions as a proof that you have indeed loved but it's over now. The reason why people can't move on is because they are afraid to let go of the memories and of the routines they have before. It is now the time to let go of everything and to accept. Just remember beers and tears will help in easing away with the emotions but they are not the solution.