The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 7: BAKIT Less "What if" and "but"

                        

As you continue the path towards healing there will be many obstacles along the way. That is why you need to keep in mind that MOVING ON is a CHOICE and NOT an OPTION. It requires a strong will. It is a commitment. It must be a commitment of the whole person – body, heart, mind and soul. It is a process of moving forward and never backwards. However, as we move forward something is going to drag us backwards. The strong current of the 'WHAT IF', 'BUT IT MIGHT BE' and the many 'WHY'.

IFs, BUTs and WHYs are very common at this stage. The ifs and buts are plausible but might just feed us with false hope. They are fruits of a creative mind out of desperation. You start to create scenarios that favor you and put words into the mouth of the other person. One characteristic you need in this process is FOCUSING, concentrating in the HERE and NOW – the present. You should STOP dreaming and feeding yourself of the thoughts of him/her changing mind. STOP hoping your ex will text you – definitely STOP texting your ex. STOP anticipating that your ex will just enter your house like he/she did before. STOP planning to surprise your ex during his/her birthday. Definitely, STOP seeing your ex and inviting him/her on a date or worst sleeping with your ex thinking you might change his/her mind. Oh please, value yourself. Ifs, buts and sex are not the solution to your problem, it will only aggravate it. If your ex is persuaded it should be before or after the breakup not months after it. Poor soul, you just had your closure but here you are now with your ifs and buts. They are not helping you but are just slowly killing you.

Okay, you might say that I am harsh but what if those daydreaming of yours come into reality? So are you just going to let your ex back without an effort? What is your value then? It doesn't mean that you still love the person who broke you that you are just going to let him/her in that easy. Well, in my case I let my guards off, I let her in immediately when she came back. She's back not because she loves me, that's what I've discovered in the end- sad me. Remember, in this period we use more of the brain and not of the heart. Assess first the situation before deciding.

Whys?

There are many questions born after a breakup. These questions probably weren't answered during the closure and will continue to accumulate if there is no closure. One wrong attitude of us during this stage is that we want them to be answered immediately. We are thinking that if they were answered then we can have peace of mind. WRONG! If those whys were answered, they will give birth to new questions that will eventually hurt us more. Probably if some questions were answered they can give you peace of mind but also might not.

So then, what is the right attitude with all of those many questions? First, don't ask yourself about them, you don't have the full details. You have the partial truth that is why you are still seeking for the other piece of the detail. Second, don't ask your ex. You will either get a lie that you will believe in or the truth that will further hurt you. Third, on this stage we are not here to answer those questions, we are here to lose the questions. When the questions linger, just enjoy them as questions. Stop asking a friend for the answers, you are just both speculating. Let go of those questions and start freeing yourself from the past and accept what is happening in your life. Face the here and the now not you ifs, buts and whys.

Bible Verse of the day:

Philippians 4: 6 - 7

6 Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.

7 Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.