The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 16 Bumping with the EX and the NEW ONE

If there is one prayer you'll always pray is to see a glimpse of your ex. Come on, don't be shy. Unconsciously consciously that is a wish. But if there is one thing you don't want to see is that your ex is with his/her new lover. That's probably everyone's nightmare at this time. However, you must accept the greatest possibility that you him/her will bump at each other sooner or later.

Mathematical computations tell us that there will be a slim probability to bump at each other if you are in two different countries. Yet, there will be high probability if both of you are living in a same province/city/ state. Worst, it is really with highest probability if you are working on a same company, studying at the same school, dorm mates or neighbors. Moral of the story, don't fall in love with an officemate, classmate or neighbor. Kidding aside, you really need to prepare yourself of meeting your ex unexpectedly. This scenario is not easy to manage because you will be caught in surprise. Plus, your initial reaction will gain criticism. Example, unexpectedly you saw your ex walking at the same direction towards you then he/she said 'Hi' but you pretended not to see or hear anything. Your friends then will label you bitter. Another, with the same scenario but instead of pretending not to see him/her you say 'Hello' in response and had a small chat with him/her. Then you friends will say, 'you are still in love with your ex'. The secret in this stage is being civil – the mature way of dealing it. How is that? Same scenario, you bump into each other, your ex said 'hi' then you can say 'hello' with a smile then continue your path. What if your ex initiated a conversation like telling you stories about your common friend or just asking 'how are you?' Then assess the situation if you can handle it. If your answer is yes, then a small fast chat will do. If no, answer the first question, poise that you are in a hurry to leave and tell your ex that you are in a hurry. I should caution you, don't get too entertaining unless there is no feeling anymore. Those small talks will get prolonged and you will long for more. What's wrong with that? You are in the process of self-healing and that longingness is disruption. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Now, here comes the nightmare. What will you do if you bump with your ex and he/she is with the NEW ONE? The horror! How should you manage the reaction maturely? As a guy and if I am with my girl then I bumped into my ex. I will just pretend I never saw her. For the moment you said 'Hi', my girl would unleash hell after that. You know girls would stalk their boyfriend's exes. What I am trying to say is that there is no need to worry about that. Still, how will you manage the situation? The best way is to give them their own space. Don't say 'hi' you are not required to. Don't also look at them as part of being courteous. Just continue walking towards the path of righteousness. There's very minute chance your ex will say 'hi' or will start a conversation. So, go on and continue walking. But how will you manage the emotion since you are caught off guard? There will be a small pinch in your heart seeing the person that you have loved has already replaced you. You will feel a little bit sad but that depends on your general well-being in the process of moving on. At any rate, the initial reaction will still be painful and sad but you need to swallow the reality that person who just passed by is your past and you need to dwell in the present. Take a deep breath then let it go. Expect sudden surge to fill you mind again. Do not entertain them and brush them off immediately. As you walk away from your ex then you need also to walk forward towards self-healing.

What if I feel that I need to cry because of the pain and I cannot still accept that I was replaced? Let it go then. Cry, it will help; however promise yourself that tomorrow will be a new day. If you want to drink then drink but as you cry and drink beer, as it flows through you let the pain and memories be washed away from you. You need to travel light the next day. You cannot linger in that emotion for it is already in the past behind you. You need to focus in the here and the now. Focus on your work, studies, business, or any endeavor. Use your energy and time in something that will make you productive rather to use your time dwelling in emotions and damaging yourself. Easier said than done? Many people have done it. So you too can do it. Just believe in yourself.

When I saw my ex with her boyfriend there's a pinch in my heart and a little sadness. I never did curse them or pray anything evil to come upon them. Actually I prayed for them that they may become strong and happy together. That the guy may give the happiness my ex was looking for that I cannot give when she was with me. I caught myself praying and to my surprise praying for them to last a life time. Carrying grudges and anger in the heart is not the proper attitude. You've set the person free hence set also yourself free of pain, anger and hatred. Stop praying of ill things to happen to them rather pray for them and your own healing. Difficult? I've done it, so you can too.

The best strategy during that situation is yet again ACCEPTANCE and EMBRACING. There are no other ways. Sooner or later you will realize that the love and the pain are slowly fading away. Now take a deep breath and move forward. Don't forget to smile.

Bible Verse of the day:

1 Peter 5: 6 – 1

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.

7 Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.

8 Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour.

9 Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.

10 The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ [Jesus] will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.

11 To him be dominion forever. Amen.