The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 4 Close what was opened

My mom is always in a beast mode whenever I leave the light on, door of the fridge open, doors and windows unlocked and the water running. She would always remind me to close whatever I open but even though how many times I am reminded I always tend to forget to close what I have opened. Just like in ending a relationship we are afraid of closing it. We are afraid of goodbyes and closure because we think that ending brings tears and sadness. Hence, we never want to close or to end a relationship formally. We just let it pass until it is forgotten in time even though how many times we are reminded to close what we have opened.

CLOSURE. Many people are afraid of this term. This is a process of moving on that people tend to neglect. They would always skip the process and in turn finding themselves bitter towards the other person even after years of the breakup. They have opened a relationship but in ending it they are afraid of closing it. They are afraid of ending the relationship. They are having difficulty accepting what is happening and choose to let it die a natural death and be forgotten in perpetuity. Then they find themselves wrong.

Closure is not the main bout of the night. It is not the time for you to throw accusations at one another. It is not time to weigh in who is the real cause of the breakup. It is not listening to elaborately crafted grandeur stories of excuses that are not real so as the other person will be vindicated of the breakup. It is not saying 'mea culpa' or my fault and carrying all the blame. It is not a jousting. It is not the pouring out of anger or emotions. It is not time to inflict pain that is physical, emotional or verbal. It might be a crying moment of saying some of your pieces but not definitely to have sex before breakup.

If these are not about closure, then what is closure? Closure then is closing what was opened. You both willingly engaged into a relationship without force or hesitations. In between the 'yes' and 'let's end this' are beautiful stories and memories you have shared with one another. It is a time for you to thank the person to letting you in their lives. Yes, it is a time of showing gratitude - gratitude of those past memories, of the love, and of the lessons that was taught to you by the person; gratitude for everything that has transpired with those beautiful months and years. Closure is giving yourself and the other the peace of mind that you both deserve. Both of you should understand well that there is nothing holding you back from moving on. It is making clear that everything has ended now and that both of you are living separate ways. It might also be the time where some questions be answered but those questions that are not answered should remain unanswered. Most importantly, closure is a time of forgiveness and reconciliation. It is the time to say sorry for the things you said and done that might hurt the person. It's not the reconciliation opting for your relationship to be kindled but that you both are now without ill feeling towards one another. You are setting each other free that both of you are towards the path of healing.

When I ask my ex-girlfriend for a closure, after the talks and the reconciliation, I told her one thing: 'after this closure, we are going to play a game'. She curiously asks what game? Then I told her, after I fetch you back to your home, we are not allowed to look back and have a glimpse of one another. It will be a straight path away from one another. For I don't want you to hold back and I don't want you to hold me back; I am setting you free. Closure ends everything and is the opening of a new chapter and a new beginning. Do not skip this stage for it will be both helpful for you. Ask of it or rather demand it, so that you road to healing will be complete.

Bible Verse of the day:

1 Peter 5: 5 – 7

5 and all of you clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another, for:

"God opposes the proud but bestows favor on the humble."

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.

7 Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.