The Art of Letting Go

Chapter 6 Bucket List

When you with you ex you had many plans together and you have a bucket list. The places, adventures and things you've wanted to try. Every now and then you place a check on those that you've tried and list what you are craving for more. But the situation right now has completely changed.

Moving on stage needs a lot of courage, determination and perseverance in committing to this process of total healing. It needs a strong will in doing so. You are not alone; you have your family and your friends so you can start a new bucket list of what to do in this time of moving on.

Now if you are decided and committed in moving on here are some things to be done during this period.

1. If you want to withdraw for the world, lock yourself up and cry, then do so. This is a normal stage in this period of moving on. To mind you, the maximum time of this should only be a day to three days. A week is already isolation and is not healthy both physically, mentally, emotionally and socially.

2. Rather than locking up, you need to surround yourself with people who truly love you. Surround yourself with your family and friends. If there are immediate people who should know your breakup is your family. They are your immediate support group. I know sometimes they will say the "I told you" thing or will give you a long lecture, merit an angry reaction, those are normal, soon they will understand you. Instruct them to not tell it from outside of the family since curious relatives would ask too many questions. In case relatives are asking, compose a shortest version like 'what can I do, it didn't work' or something like that. Remember, the longer the story the more questions it will garner. Yet your immediate family deserves the full details. They are one of the main players in your healing process.

Your immediate friends have also a big role in this stage. Surround yourself with them. You can tell them detail by detail about your story and expect they will in turn be bitterer in expression than you are. The friends you seldom meet during the time when you were in a relationship will be the first one to cushion you on your downfall.

3. Telling the story will definitely help in the healing process. Yet there are instance you just want to be silent and not to talk about it. If don't feel of telling the story, do not force yourself in doing so. It might hurt you further if you force yourself to narrate the story. Your friends will understand if you will say 'I am not in the mood to talk about it' or 'I don't want to talk about it right now'.

Whenever you open up, make sure that it is clear to your audience about your intention of narrating the story. Inform them immediately if you are just narrating the story or seeking or soliciting their advice.

4. If you don't have available friends that you can talk to, write a journal or a dairy where you can pour out you emotions. If the emotion is really unbearable and suicide is slipping into your options never be afraid to go on a counselling. It doesn't need to be a professional psychologist, it may be your teacher, priest/ preacher/ minister/nun, o any person that you trust. Let the emotions go. Don't keep it in or you might burst.

5. Learn new things. Study painting, and cooking. Wrestle with Muai Thai, Judo or Karate. Play basketball, badminton, or any activity that you wanted to try all along. Go out and do new things like mountain climbing, cycling, pole dancing or any adventure your body can tolerate. Devote yourself and energy in something productive. Bring some friends to make the activity enjoyable. Travel locally or abroad. Meet new people; they don't bite.

6. Pamper yourself. Go at a salon and have a haircut or make over. Buy new clothes or shoes. Reward yourself by giving in to what you want to do. Make yourself more handsome/beautiful and attractive. Take good care of yourself.

7. STOP stalking and talking with your ex on social media. Unfollow the person and the family. If blocking them would help then do it. Stop communicating with the family too. You have made an emotional attachment to them and now it is the time to cut it.

8. STOP being sentimental. Start throwing things. Stop keeping mementos of the past. Erase messages. Delete photos. Stop the ifs and buts. You need to travel light along this path towards self-healing. If you are still carrying those then you cannot move on from the past. They will remind of pain and will continue the endless cycle of reminiscing and pain. Hence, give them up and throw the painful past behind.

9. After a two or fourth month of your breakup, start going on places you've always stayed at (except are their house). Ask a friend to go with you so that the memory will be replaced by a new one.

10. Lastly, but should be the first, PRAY. Implore God that he may guide you along the path to recovery. Pray that may God enlighten you to see the meaning of what is happening in your life right now. God has placed a purpose on the pain that you are experiencing right now.

Go to church. Attend Sunday church services or Mass. Read God's word. Join a cell/ life group/ Bible study group in your church. Let God's word enlighten you throughout the way.

These are just simple things you need to keep in mind. Make your life preoccupied of positive thought rather than focusing on the pain. These things will not cover up the pain but will strengthen you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as you combat the present situation.

Bible Verse of the day:

Psalm 37: 3-6

3 Trust in the Lord and do good, that you may dwell in the land and live secure.

4 Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart's desire.

5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will act

6 And make your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like noonday.