Have you experienced a night mare? It is a nightmare wherein you are being chased by a ghost or zombies? That you are running but you are not moving. The ghost or the zombies are outrunning you already but you keep on running but are going nowhere. Then you suddenly wake up, tired, perspiring and catching your breath. It was a nightmare. Same as in your process of moving on there is a certain situation wherein you will experience that but you are fully awake. This comes when you have fully devoted yourself in moving on. Then, lo and behold, your ex will make reappearance in your life. God damn it!
Remember when I told you that the process is not a straight path? There will be ups and downs, of rough waters while sailing along the course. You are sailing smoothly towards your desired destination and then you hit shallow water. Then you get stuck. That is the same scenario when your ex will make a sudden reconnection through a chat or a text message. This is a very difficult stage to manage since you are already committed in moving on. Some will be able to navigate away but most people get stuck in the situation.
Based on a personal experience, this stage is a mind blowing stage. Most of the time this experience will catch you off guard; an experience wherein the walls you have set so high and strong starts to crumble down. You will lose your balance at this stage and unconsciously let the intruder inside your life again - and all the efforts of moving on gone to waste. Then you will entertain the person; then you will feel euphoric again. Then a single text will be followed by another and another until he/she will ask if he/she can call you. After that your ex will ask you to go out then you will say yes. The zombie in your nightmare is like your ex, he caught you off guard. You are trying to run but going nowhere. Until the zombie devour you unconsciously and you're dead. The experience is like a sink hole, the more you move the more it swallows you. The technique on this stage is evasion.
Always remember there is a reason why your ex is coming back. You need to have a critical mind during this stage. Your ex wants to rekindle a relationship (probably not a romantic one), has something in mind already. In my case, she went back because she was dumped by the guy who is the reason why she suddenly broke up with me. She's seeking comfort in the time of her distress. If you are a soft hearted person since there is still the love for the person you will entertain the FEELING. Do not get drawn like a moth in the light of a candle. Later you will realize that your wings were burned already and you have nowhere to go. Stay focused during this period. The best strategy during this time is SHUTTING the person OUT.
Aside from evading from the person, shut the door immediately to the person. If the person is asking for a second chance, SHUT the person out your life. If the person is asking for a favor, SHUT the door. If the person is asking for your friendship to be rekindled, SHUT the door right in the person's face. For whatsoever reason the person, either good or bad, you need to snap back into the reality that you are undergoing a process. I will explain in details in the succeeding chapters the reasons behind this action.
Now, what if I entertained the person, be observant on the motive of the person why he/she is trying to rekindle the relationship. Keep in mind, your ex is coming back for a reason. Isn't that intriguing that after months or a year of your breakup the person will suddenly show up? I'm not teaching you to become suspicious but be very careful because the person has a motive or intention. Is he/she really sorry of what had happened? If the person is asking for forgiveness then readily forgive the person but after that close the communication immediately. Do not get overwhelmed by the emotion. Use your brain and not your heart. Sorry to say, after entertaining the person back into your life you went back to zero. All the efforts in the past months crumble down into the abyss.
The moment the zombie is already outrunning you in your nightmare, wake up and snap back into the reality. For whatever reason/s the person has for a surprise rekindling of the relationship, you cannot easily quit the process. You cannot be in the process and have a communication with your ex. Moving on is a process you entered and committed with and needs finishing. To caution you, there are many people who quit in the process and entertain their exes and eventually after few months are back in the process again starting from the beginning.
Disruptions are normal during this stage but should not be the cause for you to quit. Your reconnection with your ex should not serve as a hindrance in the process of self-healing. Shut the disruption automatically, teach the person to respect you and respect the space between it's over and I am healing. Do not give the person the impression that he/she can bump in anytime probably use you or just disrupt you. Stay on the track. A bumpy road should not hinder your progress. Not all people who come back deserve to be entertained. Some deserves a door shut on their face. Be smart and critical. Remember, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Bible Verse of the day:
James 1: 12 – 16
12 Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him.
13 No one experiencing temptation should say, "I am being tempted by God"; for God is not subject to temptation to evil, and he himself tempts no one.
14 Rather, each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
15 Then desire conceives and brings forth sin, and when sin reaches maturity it gives birth to death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers:
YOU ARE READING
The Art of Letting Go
Non-FictionAre you in a MOVING ON stage? Are you confused and not knowing what to do? Then this book will guide you in a MATURE way of MOVING ON after a break up.
