Travelling abroad will teach you many things. You become open to different cultures and traditions. One custom I've noticed from different nations is that whenever they eat in a fast food restaurant they are the one to clean up their table and throw the rubbish in the garbage. This custom is not very Filipino because we love to leave our trash on the table and ask someone to clean it for us. Same as with many things and in life, we just leave the mess we made and ask someone to clean it. We throw garbage anywhere with the sense of indifference thinking that it will be someone's problem and someone's going to clean it. Very same also in a relationship, after the breakup, we just leave the person thinking he/she will be another person's problem.
Make it a habit in life that whatsoever mess you've made make sure that it is you who is going to clean it. Same as after the breakup, never forget to 'clean the messy table'. What do I mean? There are still few things that to be handled and handle them properly.
First, cutting connections with the ex's family and your ex to your family. Yes, an emotional attachment was made already but it's time to end it now. Attachment to them will just lead you to suffering.
Whenever the parents or siblings of your ex communicates with you and ask you what happen between the both of you, be polite and tell them 'just ask him/her what happened'. They are your ex's family and they will still be on his side and would defend him/her. Do not make him/her look like a criminal because that will not build you up or will not help the both of you. Anything you say will be reported to your ex and he/ she can negate it. Also, if they are sending you an invitation, be polite, thank them for considering you and make an alibi that you cannot attend it. In accepting it, you are giving them and yourself a wrong impression. It will always be an awkward moment once you accepted the invitation. Therefore, just change your number and cut off ties with them.
Second, change the password of your social media account. Why? Because that's private. In my case I agree to give my password to my girlfriend when she asked of it – for the continued reign of peace on earth – but never vice versa for I consider it private. Changing your password is protecting your privacy. You are no longer in relationship with him/her so what's the point of not changing the password?
Third, stop also communicating with your ex's friends. Never try of winning your ex's friend and make him/her look like a criminal with the version of your story. In your story you will always be the victim but remember they also know the side of your ex. Their allegiance remains in him/her because they are his/her friend and they know him/her very well. Another, never make them be the mediator to settle the mess you have created. It is between the two of you and not you and your ex's friends. Same as with your parents, never let them get in the middle and settle the mess for you. You two are all grown-ups now and start cleaning your own mess.
What if your friends are mutual friends? Then expect this scenario. In every event, you will text your friend if your ex is present and if not you'll be in attendance and if he/she is there then you will make an alibi not to attend. Expect the same situation as with your ex. If both of you are in one place with your friends, then expect that you will be dividing the group, those in your side and those with his/her side. There will also be the awkward moments and the bullying of your friends. Be always ready for that situation.
Fourth, never stereotype. Not all people are like your ex. Give room for people you meet. Not all who try to approach you will flirt with you or woo you then hurt you. Open your circle and open your mind. You will definitely learn many things from their life and stories. Be friendly enough. If someone shows a motive or confessed to like you and want to court you or to have a relationship with you then be honest to them. If you are ready then try. If you don't feel it or you are not ready then be honest with them and tell them that having a relationship right now is not one of your priorities. If your friends are encouraging you to try to enter into a relationship, asses yourself first if you are really ready to once again commit yourself to another person. Never test the waters if you are not ready. Never go into a relationship thinking that person will fix you.
Fifth, happiness is something INTERNAL not external. Never engage into a relationship because you are sad, bored and frustrated while undergoing the process. Never think or assume that someone will make you happy and forget the pain that you are encountering. Never use someone to clean up the mess other people made in you. Never look for your value outside of you. Find your happiness and value within you and not outside of you. Why? Because if that person or thing will be taken away from you and you made that the basis of your happiness then you will never be happy again. Teach yourself not to rely your happiness on some's company. You should learn to enjoy your own company. If you find going on a date with yourself something as boring that's how you view yourself, boring.
Happiness that is inside is founded in the contentment we feel. That's when we appreciate what we currently have. You should never look at what is missing in your life for that will bring malcontent, anger, sadness and frustration. Be thankful for what you have and be optimistic on the future. Embrace the present moment and find joy in it. Not every day is a happy day but there are some moments every day that are good and happy that we need to focus on and appreciate. Happiness is found in the here and now. On a grateful heart that never knows how to compare him/herself with other people. Happiness is found in a contented, optimistic, grateful and light heart. Happiness is granted to a person who knows how to appreciate and value his /herself and what he/she has in life.
Sixth, stop the negativity in life. According to poets, we are the one who create our own world. It is on how we perceive it then it is how we live it. Breakup is not the end of the world rather it is a new beginning - a sunrise and not sunset. Maybe the heaven is pouring on rain down on you but you should never see this rain as something negative. If everything that the heaven is sending right now is perceived as negative then whatever happens to you is negative or bad luck. Remember, God is not angry at you or punishing you. Everything happens for a reason. Even with heavy heart and troubled spirit we must be optimistic. This will cause us not to drive away the rain but actually to enjoy the rain. Positivity brings hope and produces joy. Positivity begets appreciation. Appreciation begets optimism. Optimism begets vision and vision produces success.
At this stage never forget to smile and laugh. Be positive and you will get through this test. Nothing will make life positive aside from you. You are the only one who can bring an umbrella in the rain. Meaning you alone can bring joy and positivity that is internal. Do not frown and see the world gray. Soon the sunrise will come on an optimistic person. Don't expect someone to bring you out of this rain. Travel along this rain and soon the sun will rise to those who are willing to see it.
Remember the term CLAYGO or clean as you go. Never expect someone to clean up the cluttered table, clean it as you go. Wipe it clean so that you can start anew without baggage that drags you along the way. Forget the pain but always keep in your heart the lessons it taught you.
Bible Verse of the day:
Luke 5: 36 - 39
36 And he also told them a parable. "No one tears a piece from a new cloak to patch an old one. Otherwise, he will tear the new and the piece from it will not match the old cloak.
37 Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the new wine will burst the skins, and it will be spilled, and the skins will be ruined.
38 Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins.
39 [And] no one who has been drinking old wine desires new, for he says, 'The old is good.'"
YOU ARE READING
The Art of Letting Go
Phi Hư CấuAre you in a MOVING ON stage? Are you confused and not knowing what to do? Then this book will guide you in a MATURE way of MOVING ON after a break up.
