Sophomore Year

| 26 |

Excuse the errors.

  It is so damn hard to get over someone you truly wanted things to workout with. In a current predisposition of feeling broken-hearted it's hard to tell if that gut feeling isn't just fear.

Sit around and wait—keep hope alive?

Move on?

Questions circled Gina's mind. She felt as if she was thinking to hard on her motives. Why does every emotion have to be so intense—for her. Her mind, her heart, and her soul all have different styles of thinking, and she just couldn't get them to align.

She sat on the edge of her bed, zoning out, unable to think of anything other than Kendrick's face. Kendrick's voice. Kendrick's lips. Kendrick's smile. Kendrick's body...

Kendrick, Kendrick, Kendrick.

Images of them cuddling, and sexing filled the void in her mind.

She wonders for a moment, she never openly said she was in love with him. He just assumed, and she went along with it. She wanted to feel whatever she thought he was feeling.

She was wrong. That gut feeling was fear, she needs to learn the difference.

However, it's clear as day she's insanely attracted to him, and even though she's pissed for reasons she doesn't want to decipher she would still fall weak for him. His words would sooth her, and his persona would engage her in anything he had in mind.

Why is he so damn attractive...

Where does the fear factor reside? It's somewhere deep in her mind, the emotional side, where she's in constant worry. That side that lies with her other fears... Not being successful, and not finding someone to connect with on a emotional level.

She feels like emotionally Kendrick gets her, and she didn't always have to communicate her thoughts—he always knew what to do, and what to say.

It was scary, and almost felt dangerous messing with him. How deep his feelings would mix with hers, and how it didn't feel like a subtle spark, but instead a flame. An all out fire, a forest fire. It was intense. She still feels that intensity if she allowed herself to think of him for long enough...

She hopped off her bed, and went to the bathroom.  

She's up early, her body is used to waking up at this time for practice, but she has a week off. She inhaled and exhaled, shaking her mind of any negative thoughts.

She walked out of the bathroom and grabbed her prayer mat, and hijab. After preparing herself, she began her prayer...

Once she was done, she sat on her prayer mat and closed her eyes. She calmed herself down, by reciting a short du'a. She really did not want to leave her dorm at all, she wanted to stay in, but that obviously wasn't an option.

She stood up, and stretched her arms. She shuffled her way towards her closet, and decided it's best to be in a comfy outfit.

"Well, let's get this day over with..." She mumbles, grabbing her hoodie...

He adjusts his jean jacket, and smooths out his hair—as he walked inside the cafe. "Can't wait to get this day over with..."