Who Would've Thought

Nothing Seems Right

School on Monday was different for sure. Gabriel, other than making sure I wasn't hungry and that I wasn't going to hurt myself, hadn't said anything to me. Crowley stayed for a few hours on Saturday to try and help me reciprocate and help Gabriel ensure I wouldn't harm myself. Other than that I haven't heard from him either. Jo never texted me and Dean's text stopped randomly late Saturday evening. I thought maybe Gabriel hadn't been saying much because he wasn't sure how to handle or approach the whole situation Saturday morning, or afternoon. Whenever it was.
Regardless, even if that was the case, then why was no one else communicating with me? And why was everyone either avoiding me or talking about me? At lunch when I sat down by my friends, Jo gave me a look before storming off and no one would answer me when I asked what was wrong. They were all throwing me looks too. In theater, none of my friends talked to me and everyone else whispered and stared. To make everything even worse, Jo still wouldn't talk to me in auto mechanics. She threw me a crappy looks when I would say something to her and she eventually snapped at me and told me not to speak to her. Things were off with Dean too. He looks absolutely terrible and he and Jo exchanged looks a lot. At one point he even left the room and didn't come back. No one really said anything about it, either they didn't care or they weren't surprised the 'cool' teacher just walked out on his class. The worst part was that I didn't understand why any of this was going on.
It didn't hit me until Wednesday in sixth period. Alastair raped me, and he must have told everyone we had sex. That's why everyone was whispering and giving me odd looks. That's why none of my friends would talk to me and that's why Dean hasn't said anything to me. That's why he looked so terrible, he thinks I wanted to be with Alastair. He thought the sex was consensual. In fact, everyone was thinking that. No wonder Jo got so pissy at me the other day when I tried to talk to her. Everyone either hates me for cheating or is shit talking me for being gay or giggling about what they think happened between me and Alastair.
        The thought of that news spreading hit me like a truck and when the bell rang, I ran out the door. I didn't stop running until I'd thrown up in a toilet in one of the bathrooms. I wiped my mouth quickly before sprinting fast to auto mechanics, hoping I wouldn't be late and have to face Dean about it. I kept my head down and walked quick, causing me to run into Meg after I entered the classroom. "Sorry I-", I started but stopped when I saw Meg smirking. "Actually. I'm not sorry. You can fuck off and you can tell your little buddy the same", I growled before walking away. The class, minus Jo, "ooo"-ed at us and that got Dean's attention.
        "Everyone settle down and get to work. Watch your language Castiel. Both you and Meg need to return to your vehicles", Dean said as he turned his attention back to his desk. Meg gave me a final smirk before hopping off to her car, and I stomped to mine. I was so sickened and so pissed that I kept fucking up everything with my car. Nothing would cooperate and it just pissed me off even more.
         "God fucking dammit", I screamed. I had messed up on one part for the third time because I was shaking so bad and by then I was done. I took the tool currently in my hand and chucked it at the wall. Everyone in the class had stopped to watch me, Dean had even looked up from his desk. It didn't matter though and I didn't care. I didn't care about any of it and I just wanted to leave. I grabbed my bag from my car and went to storm out of the classroom, but got stopped by Meg.
        "What's wrong Clarence", she asked sweetly. "Not get laid recently? Or did you decide being gay just wasn't working for you, ya know seeing as how Alastair hasn't seen you since the party." She went to say more but I stopped her.
       "Fuck you Meg. If this was your way to make me change my sexuality , you didn't succeed. Not even a little. So fuck off and get the hell out of my way." At this I shoved her and she stumbled to the side as I walked out, fury building and tears falling. Gabriel had the car for work so I ran home, happy our new place was closer to the school. Within ten minutes I was home and out of breath. I bolted to my room and threw my bag down before sobbing into my pillow.
It was bad enough to deal with Alastair but to have Meg throw shit at me, having no friends, and losing the only guy I ever loved made everything so much worse. Life sucked and really just wasn't worth living anymore, but I promised my brothers I wouldn't give them any more scares. Even though it didn't matter because none of them would talk to me anyway. Bad thoughts of the party and the school week so far raced through my head and my cries became louder and louder.
I remained in my room all night after that. I cried for quite awhile longer and then eventually just got frustrated and started punching my leg to relieve some anger. When Gabriel came home, I was on my bed pounding away at my leg. The thought of everything just pissed me off and it took everything to not scream and punch holes in the wall. Gabriel tried to bring me food at one point in the evening, but I turned him away. He also tried to bring me water and tried to ask about my day, yet I refused to talk. I appreciated that he was actually trying to talk to me after no one talking to me for so long. I would hate to snap at the first person to talk to me just because I was lost in so many emotions, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. He eventually told me goodnight after trying to get me to eat (again) and failing.
The night was full of nightmares and sparse sleep. I was still laying in bed the next morning when Gabriel left for work. He probably didn't even know I was still home. He always sleeps later than me and since I had brought my backpack to my room, then he would never see it out there. Chances are he wouldn't know I stayed home unless someone told him and the chances of that were very low. I laid in bed all day, leaving once to go to the bathroom and grab some movies. The day consisted of me watching movies in bed, ignoring my rumbling stomach and aching throat. Sometime late in the afternoon Gabriel arrived home from work. I quickly shut off my tv and made it look as if I was sleeping. I had just gone still as he opened my door. I heard him give a small sigh. There was a small moment of silence before he whispered, "Sleep well little brother." He then closed the door and was gone again.
I wasn't bothered again for the rest of the night and I stayed home again the next day. School was too much at the moment. I hated to ruin my perfect attendance but with everything that was going on, I couldn't even bring myself to care. I was thoroughly surprised when Gabriel came home early, probably for a lunch break. I didn't even have time to get my tv off before he was in my room. "I thought I heard a tv! Dude what the hell are you doing home! You have school Castiel", he exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and threw myself under the covers.
"I'm quite aware Gabriel", I said loudly through the blanket.
There was the sound of footsteps before the covers were thrown off me. "What is going on man", he asked. I could hear the worry in his voice and it made me cringe for bringing that to my brother. "You're not eating or drinking. You're not showering cause it smells to high hell in here. And now you're not even going to school? Why didn't you go to school today?"
"Technically I didn't go yesterday either", I mumbled.
"What", he shouted. "Cas this isn't like you. What's going on with you? Is it-", he stopped suddenly and bit his lip. "Is it because of what happened at that damn party?" At this comment my heart dropped and tears swelled in my eyes. I quickly swallowed and wiped my eyes before tears could fall.
"I don't know what you mean", I muttered quietly. He rolled his eyes and shook his head before standing up to leave the room. He paused at the door and looked back over his shoulders. "Just so you know, people talk. I know what they're saying you did. It sounds like a damn believable story and the way you act makes it seem even more true. I'd like to think they're wrong but I guess I'll never know if you keep at it like this. I can't force you to go to school or move on or grow up, but I would think about it. I gotta go to work now. Later little brother", he whispered the last part before leaving.
His words left me at a shock and I had to choke down another cry. He had heard the story and Luc and Micheal probably had too. No one would believe me at this point. Plus, Gabe was right in saying that staying home and not taking care of myself made it seem more true. Regardless of what people thought or said, I would have to face it. I got up in a rush and showered and threw clothes on before bolting toward the school. I could still make my last three classes of the day. I got to school right as theater started. I walked up to Charlie and said a line of the play to her, hoping she would continue on and we could practice. To my surprise she did, after recovering from the shock of me coming to her. The class went by much faster since we actually ran through some scenes. It ended pretty quickly and I gave her a small smile before leaving to go to six period. I took more notes than normal and managed to understand the nights assignment even with missing yesterday. After class, I stayed a few minutes to get the notes and assignment from the day before. By then I had a minute and a half to get to auto mechanics and I bolted my way there. I was out of breath by the time I got there but it was worth it. The shock on Jo, Meg, and Dean's face was amusing to me for some reason and I grinned, actually grinned, before walking to my car.
"For someone who has a shit ton of rumors spreading about them right now you sure look happy", Crowley said from behind me.
"Yeah well that's the thing. They're rumors. It's not true and I need to stop thinking they are", I replied with a shrug. Jo scoffed in the car next to me and I rolled my eyes.
"Sure", he stated. "Have fun catching up." With a nod in my direction he was walking away and I returned back to my car.
"Ignore the truth all you want", Jo said after a few moments, "but it will never be hidden. Everyone knows whether you want to admit it or not."
"No one knows anything. You certainly don't", I told her. I glanced over before smiling to myself. "You have a bolt in the wrong place." At this her jaw dropped after realizing I was correct and I went back to fixing my fuck up from the other day. By the end of class I recovered my damage and made decent progress on the vehicle. As the bell was ringing, Dean came and approached me.
"You missed an inspection yesterday. I was nice enough to give you a chance to fix whatever pissed you off so much the other day. You can leave now and your grade will be inputted by four", he said without looking at me. I nodded and mumbled a fine before walking away. I actually left my bag in my locker for once and trudged back to the school to get it. When I finally got to my locker, I was shocked to see Crowley waiting for me. I opened my locker and grabbed my bag before walking away and he stepped in beside me.
"Have anything you want to say or explain", he asked.
I shrugged, "Does it matter? Not like you would believe anything I say."
"Try me." I looked over to see him looking at me, waiting for something. It was silent for a few moments and I stared numbly at my feet before deciding fuck it. I sighed before giving it a shot.
"Everything everyone's been saying? It's a load of shit. I never had sex with Alastair. At least not consensual sex." At this he stopped and I turned to face him. We were out in the parking lot now and he closed his hand into a fist.
"Are you trying to say he raped you", Crowley questioned. I nodded and turned to walk again. "Cas wait", he said catching up to me. "If he really did rape you, why not say something? Tell someone? Anyone!"
"You've seen the way everyone's been acting towards me lately", I shouted, spinning on my heel to face the school. Crowley stepped back some to where he was in my line of vision. "Everyone in that damn school has been talking about my sexuality and trying to imagine what me and Alastair must have been like. Everyone just assumes that it was wanted, that it was meant to happen. No one even stopped to consider that somewhere in that equation someone was forced into something terrible." My face was red from shouting and my throat hurt badly. Not drinking, except for some in my shower to keep me from passing out, was really starting to affect me. I looked over Crowley's shoulder to see some people standing in the parking lot. I recognized one as Jo and knew Dean was probably there too.
I gave an eye roll before storming away to Gabe and I's apartment. When I finally made it, I trudged up the stairs to our apartment and was greeted with a surprise that I hoped was pleasant. "Hey Castiel", Micheal greeted. Luc gave a smile and a wave and Gabe seemed interested in his feet. I dropped my backpack by the door and sighed before stepping in to face whatever was to come.