Step Sister (Camren)

(8) Struggle Of Past Years

We have been driving for 4 hrs and I have been thinking again. But I am not in sad mood like I was before. I am very happy actually. It is feeling good that I atleast know what she wants from me. I can't even imagine what she went through when I gave a no explanation for my actions.

She was right, I have no idea what she went through. But I will not repeat my mistakes. She has gone through enough because of me. I will not let that happen again.

I vowed to protect her. And because of that I couldn't give her what she wanted. She wanted to be with me.

It all started from one kiss, that was just an accidental peck. That was a mistake and happened out of nowhere. We both agreed to that. We shrugged it off and continued our lives. I joined Camila's school during the mid session of junior year. All children of Jaureg are home schooled till high school so that we can give more time in physical/traditional training and teachings. After completing those we are sent in the outter world for different reasons like for exposure or to get experience with the ones that are totally different from us. Some go out for work, some for further education.

Because of Camila, my father thought that it would be good for me to join her school as my training and teaching were completed long ago. And completely oblivious of some things that would happened to me in the high school, I accepted quickly because Camila and I were becoming stronger friends.

But then I found that this society, atleast majority don't accept intersex people. They made me believe how was I harmful for all. How involving with someone would be so sinful of me. Some blackmailed me. I can't believe now, that at some point I buried myself in that crap in the past.

No one knows about this stuff except my best friends at the university.

I didn't try to socialize much in junior year. Senior year I had to do it because after all it was all about exposure.

When Camila 'cool' friends didn't took interest in me because I didn't know much about earth, she offered me to spend time with her alone in junior year. I didn't even know when I started having feelings for this beautiful girl during the time we spent.

Thats why I write things in my diary so that I can remember it all once again.

Soon happened our first real kiss followed by second kiss and couple of make-out sessions because of need and out of heat of the moment. Each was followed by weeks of ignoring. But then atleast we talked and sought it out.

Till senior year, and then I totally stopped sharing my feelings with anyone. Some people found about the thing in my pants. And all of the things I was oblivious about started happening. I kept loosing my self esteem. All the things they did not cross the limit than just say things about me. I was not gone through physical bulling. They didn't even spread the word across the school. For their own pleasure they made me believe that may be I may ruin someone's life and all that shit I laugh about today, thinking how stupid I was believing in it.

Ashley Jackson for example, threatened me to have make out session with her or she will tell Camila's friends about my secret and thay would be disgusted of me as well as of Camila. In the fear that Camila would be going through what I was going was not appealing to me, so I agreed. It was in my benefit too. I used to fuck the shit out of the girl because of my frustration in just the make out sessions.

But day by day I stopped loving myself. I stared keeping myself away from Camila. I concluded that if I will be with Camila, it would not be good for her eventually. As per my vow of protection my body didn't allow that.

When my heart had the urge to kiss her or hug her by the mean of affection and if by mistake I acted on it, it had consequences.

It was just not me going through torture. I was stupid enough to not share my side of the story. She was in dark for long.