The Toughest Lesson

The Point of No Return

Naruto whimpered, wrapping his legs tighter around Kakashi.  Attacking Kakashi's lips, Naruto  held on as Kakashi carried him upstairs.  Getting to the top of the stairs, Kakashi leaned Naruto against the wall.  "Which one?" he rasped.

"Second."  Naruto got out before kissing Kakashi again, whimpering at Kakashi's hands on his ass.  As Kakashi opened the door, he sat Naruto down on wobbly legs.  Eyes burning, he grabbed Naruto's shirt, pulling it off.  Breath hitching, he took Naruto in, drinking in the toned chest, the low dipping jeans, the trail of hair leading to...

Swallowing hard, Kakashi's brain gave one last feeble attempt to stop Kakashi from going full on stupid.  Kakashi looked at Naruto.  He could stop this.  He could.  He should.  He...

Naruto took the hesitation as rejection.  Shoulders sagging, Naruto looked down, crossing his chest with his arms self consciously.  "You don't want me?"  Naruto asked.  The tone of his voice broke Kakashi's heart.

"Wha...no, that's not it."  Kakashi said, taking a step towards Naruto.  Cupping that face in his hands, forcing Naruto to look at him, Kakashi swallowed thickly at the pain in those blue eyes.  "I want you so badly..." he bent down, gently kissing Naruto.

Naruto pulled away, eyes glassy.  "But..."  He turned and went and sat on his bed.  Kakashi stayed where he was, letting out a heavy sigh.

"But it's wrong.  I'm married.  I'm older than you.  You're my student."  Kakashi listed off every reason he could think of why this was wrong and wouldn't work.  Blue eyes stared at him.

Naruto turned his head.  He felt incredibly empty...so empty, it felt as if he would implode on himself.  Putting his head in his hands, he willed himself not to cry.  He wouldn't be silly.  He wouldn't be weak.  This wasn't a break up...hell, it wasn't even a hook up.  Nodding, he stood up.  "Yea, right.  Sorry Kakashi-sensei...for everything."  Grabbing his shirt, he slipped it on.  "Follow me, I'll let you out."

Kakashi nodded woodenly, pulling his mask in place.   Grabbing his shirt from the foyer, he slipped it on.  Walking out the door, he heard it lock behind him.  He had did the smart thing.  He had did the right thing.  But if he was so smart, and so right, why did he feel so empty?

**********

Monday morning Naruto got up, his eyes feeling like sand.  He had allowed himself the luxury of crying when he knew he was alone.  Pulling on jeans and a blue teeshirt, he ignored breakfast, grabbing his stuff and heading to school to be tutored.  The only thought in his mind the same one that had been running through it since Kakashi told him no.  Why am I not enough?

********

As predicted, when Naruto got to school, the doors were locked.  Sighing, he pulled out his cell phone and texted Kakashi:  Outside.

Within three minutes the door opened.  Kakashi stood there, looking impeccable and nonplussed.  "Mr. Uzumaki."  He gestured Naruto in.  Naruto avoided his eyes, heading into the school.  Going to the classroom, he sat down, pulling books out.

"Mr. Uzumaki, I...well..." Kakashi stuttered slightly.

"Look."  Sharp blue eyes stared at Kakashi, almost boring through him, "I fucked up.  I get it.  We don't have to have a replay.  I'm your student, sensei."  I don't want to hear about how I'm not enough...how nobody chooses me first..how nobody wants me most.  Naruto was almost successful in keeping the pain out of his voice...almost.  Kakashi swallowed, wanting to explain, wanting to pull Naruto into his arms and comfort him.  But he couldn't...for the reasons he said last night.  Sighing, Kakashi nodded, starting the lesson.