Finding Family

Faye: Baby Evalynn

Unlike my other stories, this one will only have 1 viewpoint per chapter, these will be before chapter titles, rather than in the story parts themselves. For example this first chapter is Faye's point of view.

Beautiful, that's what my baby was. She had my crystal blue eyes, and the fine wisps of hair across her head were blonde. She didn't share one trait with her father. A fortunate factor really I suppose. It made me cry just looking at her lying there in the hospital crib, knowing what I had to do now. I'd registered her birth, and followed Lisa's advice while doing so. "Give her an obscure name, that way, one day, you'll know it's her." Evalynn Michelle Clara Tozer. I'd never forget that name. Not for as long as I lived. Neither would I forget her birthday, 20th March 2001. I made a silent promise then that, no matter what, I'd always think of her on her birthday.
Two days had passed since that date and Evalynn was about to be discharged into the world, and I was about to set her free. I doubted myself, could I live with myself if I gave her up? "It's for your own good" Lisa had told me when I made the decision. "One day, when she's older, she'll thank you, for allowing her to grow up a normal girl. Just think of that."
I got disturbed from my worries by a kindly nurse, telling me that my baby was ready for me to collect. I looked up at her, caring green eyes and ginger hair greeted me. I expected she'd grown up with her parents beside her, just as I had. Something my daughter will never know. Not for a while anyway. A lone tear escaped my and rolled down my cheek. She asked if I was okay, and I passed myself off as happy that I was going to get to show my friends my daughter. That wasn't a lie. I'd decided that even though she'd probably never meet them again in her life, she should at least be introduced to the four people who had ensured, and continued to ensure I did what was best for us both, not just what I wanted to do. Also I had a couple of things I wanted to give her before I gave her up, so she'd have something to know that out there, somewhere, I - her mother - would be thinking of her.
I walked into the little office room, where another nurse was waiting, with Evalynn in her arms. She demonstrated the correct way of holding a baby, and then passed Evalynn to me. Evalynn smiled, and reached to grab my hair, as though she fully understood I was her mother. Saying goodbye was going to break my heart. The nurses talked about feeding and the sorts of injections she'd need before she was three, and then dismissed me.

I walked down the road, still cradling Evalynn. Did I honestly want to do this? No. I didn't want to do this, but I had to this. It was for Evalynn's sake after all.
Claire met me on the street corner, and we drove back to mine. Evalynn was already asleep, and I knew it would be easiest not to wake her. We drove back quietly, she focused on the road and I focused on the view out the window. I couldn't bring myself to look at the little baby girl sat on my lap, I knew it would break me. When we got home I found Lisa sat on the doorstep of my house. She got up as Claire helped me out the car (okay not helped as such, but she held Evalynn for me). She passed Evalynn back to me and I walked her into the house, Claire tagging along behind.

"She's beautiful" Lisa announced, breaking the silence in the living room. I smiled and stroked Evalynn's arm softly with my thumb. Evalynn giggled softly. "What did you call her?" She added.
"Evalynn. Spelt the slightly odd way, just like Lee suggested." I replied.
"Hey I just said it was pretty. You were the one that picked that specific way. And H gave her the spelling nightmare that will be her name." Lee replied.
Lisa looked at me. "Any middle names?" She asked. I knew what she was hinting at.
"Evalynn Michelle Clara Tozer. Because of the two girls who kept me going through all this." I replied. Lisa smiled, and Claire hugged me awkwardly. H looked confused but instead of helping him, I found myself staring at him until he realised. For some reason it was always great to see when realisation hit him.
"Oh... Michelle is Lisa's middle name." He announced suddenly.
"Yes." Lisa said slowly, as though emphasising her point. I laughed at his stupidity.
I looked at Evalynn, and then handed her to Lisa. Evalynn cried slightly at being away from me, and that made what was coming seem just that little bit harder. I looked over at Lisa to check she was okay with it and saw she was very gently rocking Evalynn.
"I've had practice with my brothers." She explained simply.
I stood up and went to one of the bedrooms, picking up a little white lamb teddy and a small silver locket in the shape of a heart. The locket I was going to give her matched one of my own lockets, one I wore regularly when I wasn't on stage or doing... well vaguely dodgy photoshoots. I would wear the locket and think of Evalynn. As for the lamb and her locket, those would be hers to keep. Forever. A reminder of me, a reminder of her true heritage. She was my daughter, and no matter who ended looking after her, that would never change. I hoped one day I'd go back for her, that the lamb and the locket would help me find her. But until then it supposed it comforted me she'd at least have something she'd been given by me.

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I looked down the path leading to the centre, holding Evalynn in my arms.
"Are you ready?" Lisa asked.
"As ready as I think I could be." I replied, looking at the sleeping baby girl, clutching the little lamb teddy I'd given her. The locket was in a little box, which the centre would take care of until she was old enough to have it herself.
"Got the birth certificate?" Lisa asked me.
"Yes." I replied.
"Got the locket?" She asked.
"Yep." I responded
"Got the baby?" She asked giggling
"What do ya think?" I replied laughing. Evalynn wiggled in my arms, she was still asleep, we were safe for now. Cute, happy and innocent. She had no idea of what was to come.
Lisa opened the door to the children's centre, holding it for me. "I'll wait here." She told me, taking a seat in the reception area. I nodded, and reported to the receptionist. She looked very kind.
"Hey, I'm here because I don't feel I am able to take care of my newborn baby." I told her.
"Ah yes, go on through to Mr Peter's office." She replied. I obliged, letting myself into the room. A old man sat at one side of the desk. There was a chair the other side, and a crib next to the table. I held Evalynn up against my chest, and placed the relevant objects down on the table opposite the man.

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The meeting lasted no more than 15 minutes, although it felt like a lifetime. The final thing I had to do was leave her. I placed Evalynn in the crib, said my long goodbyes to her, and then walked away. I could hear her crying, I knew she'd want to be with me. I tried to block the sound out, but it made me cry. It seemed like in that moment what was left of my heart after her dad had left shattered. My baby was gone...
It's best for her. Those words, those four heartbreaking words, echoed in my head. Round and round and round they went. I'd done it. I'd let my baby go.

On the way home, I kept my tears confined, fiddling with her birth certificate between my fingers. The man had taken a copy of it and also presented me with two pages of official documentation, which basically confirmed that I was Evalynn's mother and I was allowed to see her again in the future.
We pulled up outside my house and Lisa asked me if I was okay. I told her I was doing fine, and I somewhat wanted to believe that. I knew she didn't believe it, and decided she was going to come into my house with me. I wished I was fine, but I wasn't, and it was very obvious. Up until that moment I hadn't cried; but as I closed the door to my house, I had to let them the tears go. Lisa hugged me, softly whispering that it was all going to be okay, and that some day I'd find Evalynn. But it wasn't as such that I was worried about. What if she ended up with someone who didn't care about her? What if she got badly hurt on purpose wherever she ended up? I'd never forgive myself if something bad happened to my baby. I knew if I ever saw that useless ex-husband of mine again he was in for it for making me give up my baby. I squeezed Lisa tighter at the thought. I knew then that I'd never forget Evalynn, and I promised myself that one day I'd go out into the world and I would find her. I promised one day I'd bring my baby back home.