Finding Family

Evalynn: Talking life

Over the weeks following the concert Faye and I messaged little and often, and we'd have conversations that often involved me talking about myself. Today had been no exception.
She'd messaged me that morning while I'd been lying on my bed reading. I'd had to take yesterday off school sick, and I still wasn't feeling my usual self today. As a result of my sick day it for once hadn't been her I'd been expecting a message from, rather Ash telling me when she was dropping off my pre-SATs spelling list for me to learn (our teacher had made each of us one specifically with words we spelt wrong most). Suddenly excited I opened the message, desperate to talk to Faye again because I missed her. She seemed so gentle in real life as well as in Stepsie things and I really hoped if she did know my mamma it was someone who would make me able to see her a lot.
"Heya. I've been meaning to ask you since we met, but I guessed the answer might be personal to you and that you might not want me to know about it straight away, where did your toy lamb you had at the concert come from? As in who gave you it? x"
I bit at the inside of my lip. Should I tell her the answer or should I tell her I didn't really want her to know yet? No; as far as I knew it had been my mamma who had given me it, and it might help her know if that friend of hers or whoever it was really was my mamma.
"Hey! I don't know for sure but I'm about 99% sure my mamma gave me the sheep (I'm sure my foster mum said that was the case). All I know for sure is that I've had Tara (the sheep's name) for as long as I can remember." I wrote. I thought for a moment. Could I tell her about my other bear from my mum? Sure, it wasn't a fact about where I lived, although I definitely had broken the rule about that as well. "I also have a white bear with pink and purple stars on it that my mamma sent me for my birthday a few years ago too."
I sent the message, and put my phone down next to me, returning to my reading book. Lyra and Pan had just found Roger and I was determined to find out how the girl and her daemon was going to get out of the situation she'd just found herself in. Just as the tension was beginning to build I got a text message again, I glanced down at my phone, it was from Ash, so I deemed it unimportant in comparison to Lyra's adventure - that was rapidly becoming life threatening for her - and continued to read instead. Ash'd turn up anyway whether I replied or not.
As the tension continued to build I had to reach for Faye bear, in a soft plain pink dress that was a little tatty (only so if I had been ill again I wouldn't mess up any of her nice clothes), and hug her close as I read. And then there was a knock at the front door and I heard Mummy Amy talking to whoever it was then tell them they could come up to my room. A few seconds later Ash knocked on my bedroom door. I shut my book, ensuring I'd slotted my bookmark in firmly, and invited her in. She gave me my spelling list, times table book and asked me how I was.

For a while the conversation was normal, then she asked about Faye. Ash always did, she always wanted to know if Faye and I had spoken recently, and she was always curious to know what she'd asked and whether I'd got any closer to finding my mamma. Mia liked to know too, though tended to keep it pinned down to the facts of "What did she ask you about?" rather than Ash's more probing "How did telling her that make you feel?"
"She asked me today about Tara the lamb, why she's important to me and who gave me her. I think that must mean she knows my mamma, because if she didn't the bear wouldn't be important even though I was carrying it around at the concert. She has to know that it's a meaningful connection to mamma." I told her. I was excited but I was trying to keep myself calm to prevent myself being ill again.
"That's so exciting! You never know you might get to meet her this year after all! I mean your mamma not necessarily Faye again obviously." Ash said.
I grinned and squeezed Faye bear closer as my phone beeped yet again. I ignored it, even though it was probably Faye, for now I was talking to Ash and that was more important because I could text Faye whenever. I shoved it under my thigh, just to completely remove tempation. "Yeah maybe!" I replied. "Anyway. SATs are next week, do you feel ready?"
"Kinda..." Ash replied. "I mean, you're smarter than me so are you ready?"
I bit my lip and nodded. "I think, from what Maria told me the other week, when I get my SATs results my mamma will be told how I do, which is kinda scary. I'm kinda ready though." I replied.
"Nah, you'll ace them and make your mamma well proud!" Ash said.
I burped and instinctively covered my mouth, scared I was going to be ill again. "I hope so. I just want mamma to be proud of me." I replied when the feeling subsided.
"I should go, just in case you're not better. I'll see you on Monday." Ash announced, noticing that I presumably also didn't look great.
"Okay yeah, see you Monday. Try not to worry too much!" I said.
She waved to me and shut my bedroom door on the way out. She called goodbye to mummy Amy and left the house.

I pulled my phone out from under my leg and looked at my new messages. I was right it was Faye.
"That's so adorable, so I guess you take it with you everywhere then? Also that other bear sounds so cute!
In July Steps are meant to be going to that silly flower garden place in Gloucestershire (the name will come to me when I don't need it of course. It always does with stuff like this), and I was wondering if I was to give you the dates I'll be down you'd be able to meet with me to talk? Just there's something I want to tell you that I'd rather do in person."
I thought for a moment. Silly flower garden place - that rung a bell in my head... Of course, she must mean Westonbirt!
"Oh you mean you're coming to Westonbirt!" I struggled to spell the word arboretum at the best of times, and tried multiple ways none of which looked right, so in the end I did away with the word altogether. "My sisters and I go there a lot because it's really pretty! I'd love to meet with you there, if I can encourage someone to take me on one of the days you're there!
Also yeah, Tara comes everywhere with me because she's small and fits in my pocket."
I sent the reply and waited for her to text back, hopeful she'd include the dates she was in my county. In the meantime I went back to reading about Lyra's adventures and hoping she was going to survive her latest dramatic encounter.

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

It wasn't until the early afternoon she replied next.
"Yeah that's the one! It's the end of July so we could meet on the 23rd or 24th (hoping you'll have finished school by then)? I mean I'm going up on the 22nd, but I'll probably be really busy that day. Its up to you if you want to meet with me of course. x"
I read through the message again and smiled. She genuinely wanted to meet with me again. That had to be an advantage, it had to mean something good. She knew my mamma I was certain of it. I checked my calendar and smiled, I'd be done for the year by then so I was sure I'd be able to bully someone into taking me.
"I'd love to, my school year finishes the week before so I'll see if I can get someone to come down with me (probably on the 23rd). I'm already very excited! x" I replied.

I picked up my phone, slipping it into the pocket of my trousers, and headed downstairs to ask a relative about a lift. It was the only hurdle to me seeing Faye and finding out what it was she needed to tell me.
"Mummy Amy, I know it's a while off yet, but would you want to come to Westonbirt with me on July 23rd?" I asked her.
She sighed. "I'll be at work baby, you know that. Maybe ask your sister, I'm sure she'd take you. Wait... why?"
I took a deep breath. "You remember the woman I've been talking to, the one who said she can help me find my mamma, she want to meet with me and she's going to Westonbirt that week." I replied.
Mummy Amy bit her lip and thought for a moment. "I'm sure we can get Katie or Charlotte to go with you. If not you can always ask Maria?"
I nodded, and decided I'd ask my sisters first. If all else failed I'd ask Maria. The thing is I hadn't talked to Maria very much about this whole talking with Faye, and I was worried I was going to get in real trouble for not doing things in the proper way. Maybe it'd get Faye in trouble too and I really didn't want that. The only reason I hadn't done it properly was because it had happened and developed quickly. I shook that from my head, the first person I'd talk to would be Katie, because she wouldn't judge; she'd set me off on this path by telling me I wasn't really her sister anyway.

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

It turned out Katie was more than happy to take me, and that Charlotte was more than happy to tag along. The two of them even said they were happy to leave me with Faye if I was comfortable and do their own thing so that she and I could talk in private if that was easier. So that was that solved already. I had a way to get there, we had a place and a date. I was really going to be able to see Faye again and find out what she knew of mamma. I texted Faye to tell her the good news and she texted back pretty quickly.
"Oh great I was about to reply to your first message when I got the second one. So I'll see you on the 23rd of July then! I can't wait to talk to you again. Oh and cute as it was, and as much as I love seeing people making outfits from videos, can you perhaps not dress up as me this time? x" She replied.
I laughed before texting her back. "Nah don't worry Mia (my mini Lisa) and Ash (my mini Claire) aren't coming and it doesn't really work if there's just one of you dressing up in an outfit from a music video. You just look like you're going a bit crazy! x" I replied.
She texted back to express her laughter and to tell me we could make more exact arrangements closer to the time, and I smiled. I really couldn't wait until the 23rd.