Finding Family

Faye: The Steps Reunion

I fiddled with my skirt as I sat in the car. Did I want to do this? Did I want to see them again? I mean I wanted to see Lisa and Lee again, the other two... not so much. Did I want to risk the happiness I had now to sit in a room and fight with them all again? It didn't matter now, I couldn't back out at this point. It was much too late for that.
"You'll be fine." I muttered to myself as the car pulled up in front of a large stately home. We were somewhere in the Cotswold hills, but I had no idea where. I thanked the driver in my usual polite manner, and accepted the man stood by the stairs' help out of the car. He led me to the door and through a series of hallways. I bit my lip. Was I the first one here or was I going to walk in on a conversation that had already started?
"This is the room." He said with a polite nod.
Too scared to speak I smiled at him before he turned and walked away. I looked at the door. "Come on Faye, either knock or open it." I told myself quietly. In the end, my awkwardness took over and I did both. I looked in and there was only one other person in the room, Lee.

I walked over to him, offering a polite greeting and he hugged me, joking about me being so much taller than him. We sat down together, and almost out of instinct we went off talking about our lives, his girlfriend and my husband. Between Lee and I, in those occasional conversations we had, not much had changed. We still told each other the random little facts of our lives, and the other still listened to anything we wanted to rant about to one and other. I suspected whatever happened today we'd always have that kind of relationship.

We were drawn out of our conversation by a timid knock on the door. "Well that's one of two people." I said.
"It's not going to be H, we can rule him out." Lee joked.
I turned round to see whether my evening was about to get worse or if, for just a few minutes more, we were going to be able to talk and be care free. As Lisa walked in I smiled. It hadn't been long since we'd seen each other last, she'd been at my wedding a few years ago after all, but I still felt like it was the first time I'd seen her in forever. I immediately went in and hugged her, bending down a little bit so that I didn't mess up her makeup with my dress.
"Hey Lisa!" I said.
"Hello." She replied, sounding as nervous as I felt.
I let her go, and she hugged Lee briefly before we all sat back down and went back to our talking. It really did feel odd us all being in the same room alone and talking to one and other again, I didn't really want H and Claire to turn up at all. If it weren't for the fact Lisa had not long moved to Dubai I'd have invited them both over for dinner some time.
"How are Jaden and Star?" I asked her.
She smiled. "They're both doing fine, its weird though being away from them. I think it's probably the first time I've been away from them for more than say... an afternoon. How's Benjamin?"
"He's fine yeah, but then he's kinda used to me being away at the minute with the musicals and that, so I'm not sure he's too bothered." I replied.
Lisa looked at me, as if trying to judge what sort of state of mind I was in. I realised why as she asked her next question. "How's Evalynn? I mean have you been in contact with her?"
I sighed and shook my head. "I was so close, but then this came up and... well... I can't do it can I. I can't bring her back to my life when I gave her up so she avoided fame."
"Aw Faye baby it'll be okay." Lisa replied taking my hand from across the gap between the seats, "One day."
Lee lent closer and put his arm around me. "I'm sure she's looking forward to that day as much as you are." He added.

We fell into silence, none of us really sure where to take the conversation next. Fortunately, the silence was broken by a playful knock on the door, which Lee remarked couldn't possibly be Claire just as H walked in. And with that went the peace of the evening.

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The worst part about the evening was the fact that I seemed to take charge of asking the difficult questions that in reality all three of us wanted answers to. Well it was either that or the fact that I somehow ended up sat between Claire and H. And despite how much I sat there telling myself not to take pity on Claire, I still ended up taking her hand to comfort her when she started crying as I asked her the tough questions. But I couldn't be mad at myself, the evening really helped me. It closed up some of those wounds the split had caused that had never really healed, even after 10 years and starting a family. While I wasn't sure those wounds would ever be fully healed, they were - at least -  a little bit closer now, and I felt like actually I didn't mind some of my band mates so much as I had done for the last 10 years.